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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: careless whisperdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: stormyskye
    ASL Info:    25/ f/new mexico
    Elite Ratio:    5.46 - 209/170/30
    Words: 202
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1270
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1298



    Description:
       Thanks so much for all the help I had with creating this poem. Writing about heart break is not a specialty for me, so thanks so much to soulraven for your kind words and inspiration to let go of these horrible feelings that I have been keeping inside

    Dedicated to Brian... with hopes that you find what you are looking for

    "when lightning crashes in North Carolina,
    and you feel like letting go.
    know that I feel your raging pain,
    here in New Mexico"

    I will remember you always bubby
    Just to clearify I dated this man for the better part of one year... but we never met. I dont expect a lot of people to understand my pain but I did love him more than I have ever loved another man. it sounds crazy but my heart belonged to man I never met or even saw a picture of for almost a year


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotscareless whisperdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Think of me when thunder rolls,
    and lightning fills the sky.
    how you promised to weather any storm,
    then tossed my love aside.

    As rain falls down upon your skin,
    feel me within your soul.
    Droplets of pain like fallen tears,
    of a love you should have known.

    Clouds rage forth within the wind,
    blowing memories into view.
    Of empty promises and careless words,
    a broken heart caused by you.

    Raging winds, I tried to hate,
    swirling deep inside.
    Forcing down months of passion,
    of a man I had yet to find.

    It hurts so much that you are letting go
    before we've even begun.
    Can't you hear my heart scream for you,
    as you turn around and run?

    Rain wash away these shallow dreams,
    and drown my pain inside.
    I long to feel the light of dawn,
    let the dreary night subside.

    So much passion and so much love,
    for a man I never met.
    He will never feel my tender touch,
    our love, in time I will forget.

    He will not though, this I am sure,
    as storm clouds rage his way.
    Whispers carried within the wind,
    of things he longed to say.




    Submitted on 2005-09-02 19:24:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This is a lovely poem. So very sad and full of emotion, you really allow the reader to understand the feelings here. Not only that but I think we can all relate on some level to the feelings you have expressed. Heartbreak is such a hard thing to deal with and losing someone you love is very hard to accept. Death is hard to accept but sometimes I think that the loss of a relationship is somehow harder as it is one made by choice. And it leaves you with lots of unanswered questions that probably will never be answered. This poem flows beautifully and the rhyme here is also well done. A very good write. Take care.

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2006-02-07 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, very well done! I love your "weather" references throughout, it goes well with love and heartbreak, don't it?

    I guess that this was an internet love? I've heard of a few that have happy endings, and this is the first time I've read about the alternative.

    Wonderful poem, although I'm sorry it happened to you.

    Be Happy

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-09-19 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      Wonderful. I quite honestly loved it. Such a great story of loss and pain but knowing that things will change. Yet, somewhere back in your brain you know that this relationship will be remembered for all time. Despite the storms and all the sorrow.
    | Posted on 2005-09-04 00:00:00 | by vbnz | [ Reply to This ]
      This was a very good write, Ella
    I agree with Steve on not understanding the relationship, and yet a part of me feels like maybe I do understand. For passion can be shared, even across the miles, and one never touches physically the other...
    But the poem - you words, you rhythm, the whole storm visual - excellent work - I liked it, it read very well for me
    Lisa
    | Posted on 2005-09-03 00:00:00 | by ravenwolf68 | [ Reply to This ]
      I was captured by the title of this piece "Careless Whisper", George Michael song! I totally love that song, it's just amazing!

    Also this piece was just amazing too! Very well written and very well presented as well, I really liked the part saying;

    "Rain wash away these shallow dreams,
    and drown my pain inside.
    I long to feel the light of dawn,
    let the dreary night subside"

    Very well done.
    | Posted on 2005-09-03 00:00:00 | by Beast | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, this was so well done. Very powerful and intense. I liked the way you kept the storm metaphor throughout. couple typos hear in 5 stanza and storm
    in last stanza.empty 3 stanza.

    In a couple of places the meter gets a bit akward;

    As rain falls down upon your skin,
    feel me within your soul.
    Droplets of pain like fallen tears,
    of a love that would've made you whole (it rhymes a bit better - maybe not your meaning tho)

    Clouds rage forth within the wind,
    memories blow into view.
    Of empty promises and careless words,
    broke a heart so true.

    The fourth stanza I don't quite get - this goes to some confusion I feel about the poem. What do you mean "A man I never met" yet "Months of passion" How can you be so broken up over some one you never met?? It would help if you let the reader in on this a bit more.

    Because I'm not sure of your meaning it is hard to suggest but

    Raging winds, I tried to hate,
    swirling deep inside.
    Forcing down months of passion,
    of a man who never tried.

    It hurts so much you're letting go
    before we've yet begun.
    Can't you hear my heart's call,
    as you turn around and run?

    So much passion and so much love,
    for a man I never met.
    He will never feel my tender touch,
    and that he will regret!

    These are just a few thought to make this lovely poem read more easily. Again I think you need to clarify the nature of the relationship.

    I take the time because I think your talent is worth it !!

    Steve
    | Posted on 2005-09-02 00:00:00 | by SHRINKSDR | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    72940

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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