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    dots Submission Name: Do I dare Find my Edgedots

    Author: brokensmile
    Elite Ratio:    3.1 - 241/326/148
    Words: 139
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1063
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1028


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDo I dare Find my Edgedots

    Not here
    Not gone
    just missing
    alone the lines
    of existing
    But you
    You are both
    here and gone
    the line that separates
    what was
    and what is
    ....but which side
    do i dare chose?

    Cant see
    Not darkness
    Not light
    but somehow
    I can make
    out the shapes
    of your face
    in the sadness
    and with the feel
    of a cold
    hot burning desire
    I guessed your eyes
    were black
    and i was right.

    Cant think
    Not solid concrete thoughts
    that clench never clear but clot
    just the bits and pieces
    that melt and seep
    into imaginative unstable plots.

    of almost
    a shadow
    a too easily
    forgotten mist
    and left
    come push me
    over the Edge.

    Submitted on 2005-09-03 01:15:15     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      jilly baby. you know i would push you just to catch you at the bottom. you are my [censored] WORLD. :) i like the part about black eyes. liar liar liar liar.
    | Posted on 2005-09-29 00:00:00 | by stefanie mae | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow its great i like it alot of heart put into it and it shows. great poem i take my hat off to this one. everything was clear and nice and neat
    | Posted on 2005-09-04 00:00:00 | by josymanthegreat | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a pretty good start.I did have a couple of problems with your line structure as many lines that should have been one were seperated which killed the flow of your writing and made it harder to understand what you had written. Punctuation would also improve the flow by showing where sentences stop, pauses in stanzas and such. My best advise is to read what you write aloud and see if it sounds as it would being read to an audience, if it doesn't; restructure it so that it does.
    | Posted on 2005-09-03 00:00:00 | by DarkenedSoul | [ Reply to This ]
      i like it alot. i like your flow and tone. it made me think of alot of things in my life that i have to do and what not good job i really liked it.
    | Posted on 2005-09-03 00:00:00 | by ira | [ Reply to This ]
      incredible work! i love this poem. i could'nt stop reading this one.

    i don't know where this came from but you certainly have a whole lot of talent.
    | Posted on 2005-09-03 00:00:00 | by MMISS | [ Reply to This ]

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