Description: This is just for you all to see my point from the streets. Just wanted to see what yall felt about it so please check it. its human nature
The shadow (please comment) -------------------------------------------
Its late at night
around there’s no one
"tonight the night"
when my darkness pray on someone
To the side the nine strapped
in my pocket a knife
but I have to get something
make better my life
so I look in the window
seems like nobody is there
quietly break the glass
and then crawl my way in
Looking for all the valuables around the house
when suddenly a sound is approaching now
look out the window I see its a car
saying to myself "this wasn’t planned"
the guy gets out and walks towards the door
trying to disappear I try to hide in a hall
but its no use he sees the mess
walks towards his room and receives two to his chest
his eyes tell the tale of a death fearing man
to me it doesn’t matter because food my child demands
so looking at his eyes I point the nine at him
I think to myself "god im sorry for this sin"
pull the trigger twice
both of them hit him on the head
I take the money in his wallet his Rolex
walk out as nothing happened for nobody sees me
I am just a shadow trying to escape the crack dreams
so nobody worries and nobody shed tears
because a shadow is something that comes a disappears
This is a very deep write you have here! At first it reads as a juvenille causing havoc but then as you read on further you add the line about your child demanding food and how you are deeply sorry and it turns this poem from a harsh one to very sad and a means to survive. I think that was a nice conversion! Very sad and tragic that so many people have to steal and rob just to survive in this world and my heart goes out to them. Life is hard enough and I cant imagine how it must feel to not know where your next meal with come from or how you are gonna afford to feed your child. Heartbreaking it really is! A very good expression of struggle here. Take care!
Throwing that line in there about your child demanding food, and the line about telling God that you're sorry turns this from just a dark poem about robbing someone into something much deeper. You're not doing it for the thrill, you're not doing it to be rich-you're doing it to survive. That was an interesting twist.
honesty i hate how ppl rag on the spelling cuz i got ragged on it to but ohwell...some ppl are picky thats all i can say but i really liked this poem the way u said things was really good the choice of words and everything i liked good job.
I enjoyed this one too...it's amazing how people can write so much from so many different perspectives. I would suggest that you use spell-check or something for your poems...correct grammar/spelling seems to make poems more...readable and...attractive you could call it, lol.