Although I know your feelings You’re still an unknown
I am immortal Yet I won’t survive
You are here Yet I can’t see you
Leads me to think maybe this is writing about God or certainly that this has a religious aspect to it. Maybe i'm well off the mark. You could just be writing it from the point of view of a music box on display in a mall for all i know :o)
It made me think for a bit anyway, and i guess that's what poetry is all about.
This is a lovely poem. A very sad and lonely poem but even still just as lovely. It expresses your true most inner private feelings and thoughts and written them so well into a poem. You know I think everyone feels this way sometimes. I know I have. Life is a constant struggle! It challenges you everyday to hang in there and be strong. It teaches you things through painful experiences, things you wouldnt have learned otherwise. But then it is up to you to be tough and take it as it comes. Trying to find the good when all seems bad is quite a task. But it is really all in how you see things. You give me a sense of longing in this poem, a longing for someone. What if you found this person today? Or tomorrow? Your perspective would change. You wouldnt see things in such a dark and lonesome way. It would greatly change your life. I know, I have been there myself. Never lose hope in finding your happiness. It is out there. It is just a matter of when and where. Hope you feel better soon. It saddens me that you feel such sorrow. Take care of yourself!
ooooooooo...very, very nice! I like the wording and the pattern of this which in turn paints a very visual picture of the message of loneliness. But it sounds kind of like there is a little sentiment of selfishness intertwined into the mix as well. The thought of "feeling" alone but not "being" alone in all actuality. I get that way sometimes and find that its just my own ignorant ego that leads me there...and at times have to break that thought process for the betterment of myself and "humanity", ya know? Anyway, just my thoughts. Have a good one and keep smilin'
You've portrayed the feeling of loneliness very well, although simply a series of contradictions can be improved upon, by insertion of perhaps background story, or emotional history, something like that.
Your contradictions are very good, but such a good poem deserves more than mere opposites.
Being alone is one of the worst feelings that can ever happened i ahve felt aloine almost all my life left by my parents given to ppl unknown that run my life so i sit in a corner of my mind in the shadows feeling alone though it does give you sometihng good to write about its still a hard thing to face its the first part of depression which i have encountered over threee times so far but this is a well written poem it makes people realize that they are not alone with feeling lonely and even though you can be in a crowd or with your family chilling with your friends thats still not enough fulfillment for the soul at times its tough to deal with but hopefully you get out of it your words along with the poem is smiple and straight to the point not to long or anything just right i really enjoyed reading it so keep up your writing and i will be back for more thats a promise Val
So, I'd like to say this is a wonderful poem! I've felt this way the past few days but I've realized I'm not really alone! I have few friends and even though they are there I still feel as if they aren't but hey I loved the flow of this poem and I think you should do more like it ! Great job and Keep writing Peace Mysterious
Submission Name: A cold thought
