We Can Last Forever by Blindly-N-Love

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Submission Name: We Can Last Forever dots

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Author:	Blindly-N-Love
ASL Info:	17/F
Elite Ratio:	4.61 - 197/141/29
Words:	100

Class/Type:	Poetry/Love
Total Views:	196
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	643

Description:
Just something I wrote. Critique please.

We Can Last Forever dots

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With every tear that runs off my face,
I can count on you to wipe them away.

All my perfections that are out of place,
You guide them back everyday.

Every single time my heart beats,
I love you more than someone thought they could.

With our eyes connected it's such a treat,
Our hearts beat faster than they normally should.

This road we've headed down doesn't seem to end.
Which is wonderful because we belong together.

You're more than my lover, your my best friend.
And I know that we can last forever.

Submitted on 2005-09-04 14:13:12 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  i like it a lot. Just correct the first two lines. It should be
With every tear that runs off my face,
I count on you to wipe it away.
I like the emotion you have for this person, and i like the fact that the person is more than a lover - a friend!
that rocks
cheers
mihir
| Posted on 2006-03-19 00:00:00 | by mihir | [ Reply to This ]
  aw thats so cute! the last line got me. this was entirely too short, I want more!! lol this was wonderful. I liked the part about the tears, and your eyes connecting being a treat, and what you said about the road... hell I like the whole thing. it was really sweet. short n sweet, thats how i like them sometimes... but this definently can be expanded.
great job
-steph
| Posted on 2005-09-11 00:00:00 | by playcrackthesky | [ Reply to This ]
  An ode to sweet, perfect love. Very nice.

My favorite line is:

All my perfections that are out of place,
You guide them back everyday.

The reason this is my favorite line, is because it made the whole piece. This is what really got me. At least what I got from this, is that it dosen't matter if you're not perfect, he accepts you for you, and that makes you perfect in HIS eyes. And that's a beautiful thing.

Keep writing. Nicely done!

*hugs a plenty*
Avry
| Posted on 2005-09-10 00:00:00 | by SouthrnQT | [ Reply to This ]
  I like it,

Its a true test of friendship, of trials and struggles that will forge.

Your poem reflects a positive out look that shows a sense of vunerablilty,and confort at the same time.

As things look up I have noticed that your poems are taking a more jubulent mood.

This is great, I look forward to seeing more as always. Keep up the good work.

| Posted on 2005-09-04 00:00:00 | by Unicrom | [ Reply to This ]
  DAMN that was great. That makes me happy to remember how great love can feel. Must be a new relationship. You put this poem in good format and I hope there are more where this came from I used to spit out crap about love. Now things are sorta messed up! The racing heart was a great touch. Keep writing Peace Mysterious
| Posted on 2005-09-04 00:00:00 | by Mysterious Blue | [ Reply to This ]
  i liked it. it made me who i feel about my crush who is also one of my good friends. it flet very orginial. it reminded me of so may things i went threw. good job.
| Posted on 2005-09-04 00:00:00 | by Qutedia7 | [ Reply to This ]

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