Description: i wrote this as a song because i hadn't written anything in a long while, and i think it turned out alright. Its about the war in the middle east, from the point of view of a little girl. i'd like any criticism that you can think of, or any hints on writing songs, as i am kind of new at this.
i've been away for quite a while as well, and i had promised to look at several peoples' poems. i apologize for the delay, i will get to all of that as soon as i possibly can.
-Jinx
DEAR MISTER PRESIDENT -------------------------------------------
Dear mister president:
Why did you start this war?
My sister won't stop crying
And mommy doesn't talk
About daddy any more.
Dear mister president:
I'm tired of this lie.
Why are you so angry?
Where did my daddy go?
I didnt get to say goodbye.
Dear mister president:
You want to know the truth?
I'm really just a nice girl,
I love my mommy and my sister,
I'm not the next Mr. Booth.
Dear mister president:
I wouldnt hurt you if I had the chance
All I want to do is meet you
And shake your hand and ask you,
"Can I have my daddy back?"
Dear mister president:
Why did you start this war?
Please tell me what made you so angry
Write me back a letter
So I know I'm not ignored
But I am ignored.
Dear mister president,
If you'd listen, you would know
I dont want to hurt you
I'd never want to hurt you
I'd never have the chance to hurt you
I'll die before i get to say hello
This is amazing. I really like how you did this as a little girls voice and I think that it turned out quiet nice. I also like the fact that it really hits home... Does the president ever listen???
Jinx, I hope I am safe in assuming this is of a personal account and your father was/is really in the war of middle east...so with that I will tell you that the starting of "Dear Mister President" and the repetition of it is very effective b/c it adds to the innocence you possess...writing out Mister is rather a clever way to express your oblivious wanderment...so good job on that... now if it is personal account, then I should say that you are not alone...knowing myself what it is like to see my dad go away months on time-I know that I was naive to what was going on so I couldn't really say that I was worried-I was only a child...but you are 14, so you know what it's all about... I don't know what I could say to make your mind at ease, for in the time like this what can we really say but ask questions. But let me go back to my father, he is now a retired veteran and as I read this poem out to him it struck a chord-a soft part for the men/women fighting this war-he is not alone in feeling this way...most ppl are asking why we are still in war, but it's only questions and no answers...so I guess the only thing I could say to comfort you is that you are definelty not alone in feeling lost, angered, or sad...men who have experienced the long days away know the feeling of the possibllity of not making it and their family have from the same dread that your family and my family have dreaded... This is a really good poem, and to change any of it would lose the significance of what you feel-what it means... wonderful job for what it is...a war song -stacey-
Whoa! that was subtley powerful. You definately pullled this one off. The repetition really gave this poem the strength it needed to continue in the different verses. I liked how you broke out of the rhythm only on the line "but i am ignored." It gave it the emphasis needed to make it quietly powerful. This poem definately has a message and you pulled it off well. Diction such as "mommy," "daddy," and spelling out "mister" really gave that child-like voice to the poem. I loved it.
Submission Name: DEAR MISTER PRESIDENT
