[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Thought-Bruiseddots

    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 60
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 823
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 397


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    My head pounds
    more thought-bruised than drunk.
    I've been thinking of you for days,
    and I can't stop even to sleep.
    Your face haunts my waking dreams,
    and when the sun stabs my eyes,
    I'll go look for you
    if I can figure out where boys
    who are more beautiful than dreams
    go on Saturday mornings.

    Submitted on 2004-04-16 02:51:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I liked the ingenuousness--of this piece--a hallmark of your style. I always admire how everything you say--- is so poetic---OR--is it that your poetry just echoes your words? No criticism, just compliments--so sorry, silver
    | Posted on 2004-04-18 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ]
      ha! the last line is aweosme! this whole poem is great and love the idea of being thought bruised. great write
    | Posted on 2004-04-17 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      Like all of the other commenters, I too love the ending lines...They are unexpected because no one would think to describe boys as beautiful even though they can be. That is what stands out...Kind of reminds me of the Eagles song...with the lines "After the boys of summer have gone."

    My only critique may be in the two uses of the word dream in such a small piece. "waking dream" is something that is seen time and time again in poetry.

    I love the words "thought-bruised"....very good turning of a phrase.
    | Posted on 2004-04-17 00:00:00 | by angela~ | [ Reply to This ]
      ha ha! this one was funny - didn't expect that from the title!
    i don't know any boys more beautiful than dreams, but if i did, he would probably have gone fishing (can't imagine why though - i've never fished for anything expect compliemnts in my entire life).
    | Posted on 2004-04-16 00:00:00 | by Judy | [ Reply to This ]
      This is right up there.
    Yearning and its attendant headache - classmates.
    Really eloquently done.
    For me:
    'I'll go looking for you' and
    'Go to on Saturday mornings'
    But disjointed also works...
    | Posted on 2004-04-16 00:00:00 | by Awkward | [ Reply to This ]
      Very absorbing... I love the line

    'If I can figure out where boys
    Who are more beautiful than dreams
    Go on Saturday mornings'

    Impressed, as always. It happens to me too - when dream becomes a kind of addictive substance... and you can't stop to sleep.
    | Posted on 2004-04-16 00:00:00 | by Nightraven | [ Reply to This ]
      Sometimes I eat a culinary delight where the taste was interesting, but it was the aftertaste that really made it special. This poem is like that the afterthought lingers and grows more pleasant even if I can't remember the taste. Real virtuoso stuff. I wonder if you would write it the same way though...I mean, wouldn't punctuation and no capitals at the beginning of some lines help flow? Nonetheless, thundering applause for a great thought eloquently conveyed.
    | Posted on 2004-04-16 00:00:00 | by Lelik | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked it. a good poem, I like your word choice, but I have the feeling that you forgot a verb in the 9th line. but maybe thats just me German who doesn't understand it.
    | Posted on 2004-04-16 00:00:00 | by eve1684 | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    prison written by ShyOne
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    Angel Eyes written by poetotoe
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    Cover written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    Shi written by ShyOne
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Love written by saartha
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]