[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Was I in that Split seconddots

    Author: brokensmile
    Elite Ratio:    3.1 - 241/326/148
    Words: 177
    Class/Type: Poetry/What you did
    Total Views: 866
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1249

       ..this didnt really happen to me, so dont feel bad or anything. i was just thinking about how someone would feel if it did.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWas I in that Split seconddots

    Nothing now but memories
    and dust inside a box
    The car was your casket
    metal rearing its angry head
    taking a mouthful
    of all i had left
    as headbeams flashed
    the life you had
    before you

    I remember
    making sleeping beauty
    than a fairytale
    you were no beauty
    and no kiss from me
    will ever save you now

    people are always
    more alive
    holding hands
    with death
    maybe you thought of me
    that instant
    prehaps in that split second
    before strewn across
    a glassy paved graveyard
    i surged through your heart
    for the very last time

    I hate that car
    I hate that road
    a dead end
    that i travel relentlessly
    back and forth
    across my nightmares
    and through my thoughts
    so i can watch you
    again and again
    with the same question
    forming and reforming
    in the pitt of my mind
    How could you leave me this way?

    Submitted on 2005-09-05 00:31:05     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Wow this was good. I can relate to this write. Brings back memories of my deceased husband who was drinking and driving and was killed in auto accident. I to this day wonder if I was the last thing on his mind before it stopped. That was 13 years ago. Wow very powerful indeed.
    Keep up the good work. God bless
    | Posted on 2005-09-05 00:00:00 | by Poetic Cure | [ Reply to This ]
      that was neat, i like how you can write about stuff tat doesnt always happen to yourself, it well interested me the whole wat through and i love the ending it reminds me of someone screaomign it
    | Posted on 2005-09-05 00:00:00 | by crazzybeautiful | [ Reply to This ]
      Hi there. This is terribly sad, yet not maudlin in its' sentiment. You state the nature of the theme starkly.
    "The car was your casket
    metal rearing its angry head
    taking a mouthful
    of all i had left"- and i think that works well in this piece. It is starightforward, not saccharine sweet, yet very powerful the way you matter-of-factly say what's on your mind. Honesty is hard to find, especially when dealing with extremely personal issues and/or events as you are here. I suppose that's why I am s0o drawn to this-you are so candid and factual, yet evoke a huge wealth of emotion with this direct style.

    I say kudos to you, and keep on writing-
    | Posted on 2005-09-05 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ]
      You're gonna make me cry, because this is really really really really sad. It's good, but sad, I want to see more of your stuff, just make it happy, please!->Tai
    | Posted on 2005-09-05 00:00:00 | by Siren Mengana | [ Reply to This ]
      this almost made me cry, almost sounding like something my girlfriend would write. You have just made me want to never drive again, to spare her the grief.
    this is just so sad...
    | Posted on 2005-09-05 00:00:00 | by whiteshadows | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    written by Daniel Barlow
    A Donde Llegamos written by MyPeriodical
    One day older, One year wiser. written by Rhythmal
    Labor Pains written by MyPeriodical
    Where is My Ghost written by ForgottenGraves
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Thinking too much written by taintedsmiles
    Untitled written by _winky_
    Blues written by TheStillSilence
    Their fine denial written by MyPeriodical
    Release written by robbie
    Remember written by MyPeriodical
    written by Daniel Barlow
    In God's Name written by poetotoe
    written by Daniel Barlow
    To Be written by MyPeriodical
    Comparisons written by MyPeriodical
    Silly Rulers. written by MyPeriodical
    Broken Promises written by S.A.M.
    Scared written by MyPeriodical
    Tired Vine written by MyPeriodical
    I am a sorry son. Part two written by MyPeriodical
    Untitled written by taintedsmiles
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Stance written by Daniel Barlow
    The annointed one is persecuted. written by MyPeriodical
    Rezar por la naturaleza written by MyPeriodical
    Sanctimony written by MyPeriodical
    Canalizar written by MyPeriodical
    MY VERY OWN DEATH written by Ethan Brody




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]