Description: ok... bare with me... About 5 minuets before i writ this description i started writing this poem...
I just wanted to see what would happen if i just start wtiting, just nonscence, just quick type...
this is not a poem (allthough to me i think it is), i think that its kinda wierd... it sort of freaked me out....
well... enjoy i suppose...
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Executioner beware ive gone out of my mind my hunger for your blood is driving me so wild i feel as though ive been quite traped and seen the other side of up-side-down and yet they shout at me and tell me that im a sigot only to be used in an emergency they wave at me and stare at me yet they dont believe in such manogamy they will destroy me with verbal generocity and yet i feel as though i sence the madness rushing to my brain and drugs do not help they just burden my thoughts, I am traped within my own feeling of endurance. i see them all they envy my way of thinking and yet they grovel and plead do not take heed just meerly lough at us for we are what we are an indesizable army to conquer your way of thinking.
It's an odd twist of words, but it does have a concept... someone is mad with authority, eh? Peers? Whatever it may be, if you didn't have a predetermined thought, I'm betting you were pretty ticked at some group or form of people who tried to stifle your individuality when you wrote this, no?
Well, it certainly stirred me up, but caused some good imagery for not a lot of "icing on the cake" --Great imagery for a lot of matter and a little flavor. Of course, this may come from being a visual thinker, but with that, it caught some good pictures (The salem witch trial in fact).
Distration is an obvious, and previously stated, thing. Open-ended punctuation and no stucture makes it a little choppy to flow. Now, there are many ways you could structure this to your advantage, but also to your disadvantage. Your method keeps it flowing into a feel, but breaks that up here and there when the reader has to re-read something they might have skipped over or read wrong because of lack of punctuation. Now, the example below me is a fair one, but in my mind, it would be better to not break it up into little pieces, but rather post long sentences and then punctuation with the occasional break. ex:
Executioner beware: I've gone out of my mind. My hunger for your blood is driving me so wild --I feel as though I've been quite trapped, And seen the other side of up-side-down. ...And yet they shout at me, And tell me that I'm a sigot: Only to be used in an emergency.
ecetera ecetera.
Now, this is quite an original concept here, but highly highly a stepping stone to a finished product. In it's present form, it seems merely words thrown together (I know it isn't, but it's sure the feel it gives off). I've beared with you, now bear with this bashing. I'd love to see the new piece. --And I see you as a possible future friend. Keep it up. It's wonderful.
yup... thats mostly all i really have to say but ill give you a coupla cents worth while im here... while some of the ideas in this write are a lil alarming... the start being really weird and lil irratational in comparison with the rest of the write in someways there are some parts of this that (with a lil structuring) i think have real potential. check this out:
i feel as though ive been traped and seen the other side of up-side-down and yet
they shout at me tell me that im a sigot only to be used in an emergency they wave at me stare at me and yet they dont believe
in such manogamy they will destroy me with verbal generocity and yet
i feel as though i sence the madness rushing to my brain and the drugs do not help they just burden my thoughts,
do ya catch me here... do you get what im getting at with the need for structure here...? do what ya want with it though... this is just an idea...
i think it can be a good thing to sit and write and see what happens but i think you need to then take what you come up with and make it into something... its like youve bought yourself a bulk bag of words and you now gotta sort them out into flavours or something... i dunno... lemme know if you do anything with this... id be interested to see...
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