Forever by Poetic Cure

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Submission Name: Forever dots

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Author:	Poetic Cure
ASL Info:	49.f.mn
Elite Ratio:	2.97 - 313/137/33
Words:	104

Class/Type:	Misc/Misc
Total Views:	284
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	787

Description:
feeling I have for my husband

Forever

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First time I saw you,
my heart skipped a beat.

Walking along the path,
moving closer with each step.
Hands yearning to touch.

Your hand found mine.

Walking hand in hand.
Butterflies escaping,
dancing in the wind.
Time floating,
riding the clouds.

Sounds of our heartbeats,
racing to the next act.
Our lips anticipating,
wanting to meet.

Lips slowly meet.
Bursts of ecstasy,
undo the composure,
we tried so hard to keep.

Hearts and minds satisfied.
Love entwined our souls.
Living together as one.
Our vows of forever,
singing of love,
till the day our bodies die.

Submitted on 2005-09-05 10:40:43 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
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||| Comments |||
  the first two lines the meeting has me feeling very warm. I like the heart skipping a beat, allthough some might say cliché to that I say lovely one person loveliness is other's cliché, I guess. matter of fact I have an entire poem dedicated to clichés but this isn't about me it's about your write. hmm moving on. third line I can take "path" as a literal path or a figurative path of a persons walk life/spiritual etc. "Your hand found mine." That is precious has a sense of youthfulness to it a sort of innocence to it which gives it a magical quality. these two lines are absolutely beautiful and artful>> "Butterflies escaping, dancing in the wind." bravo to that. time floating and dancing on clouds not quite the impact maybe cause of the lines before it. maybe floating can be change to something else to give it that quality.
from the sounds of our heartbeats to wanting to meet love every word in that stanza. and the rest of the lines from the sounds of our heartbeats till the end of the poem are very precious and wonderful and has me feeling joyful to read them. overall a very pleasurable write,
mike
| Posted on 2005-09-05 00:00:00 | by inspirit999 | [ Reply to This ]
  Choppy or not it was a beautiful write tinged with beautiful words. It was plain to see it was very clearly written with love - beacause of love. Superb is the word I would use for this.
| Posted on 2005-09-05 00:00:00 | by Frank Maguire | [ Reply to This ]
  I like this poem... It really made me feel tingly inside and it was very very descriptive... i enjoyed every bit of it... the weight of the words overpowered the chopped stanzas so they werent a big issue... thanks for writting this piece
| Posted on 2005-09-05 00:00:00 | by josymanthegreat | [ Reply to This ]
  The light tinge of eroticism was a beautiful touch, you do have a gift for describing love and the passion that accompanies it. Wonderful peice of poetry. Thanx for sharing.
| Posted on 2005-09-05 00:00:00 | by Silent Syn | [ Reply to This ]
  great sense ofstylein this misc i thinkyou have real talen keep up the good work you have gr8 potential so keep at it andyou will sucide
| Posted on 2005-09-05 00:00:00 | by crazijessi | [ Reply to This ]
  LOVEEEEEEEEEEEEEE the ending
Hearts and minds satisfied.
Love entwined our souls.
Living together as one.
Our vows of forever,
singing of love,
till the day our bodies die.
can I put it in my favorite?
| Posted on 2005-09-05 00:00:00 | by Cordell | [ Reply to This ]
  choppy did not enter my mind,i suppose it could be,to some.but that feeling is such a lovely one,and you described it beautifully.there is nothing like that feeling,and i crave it once again,everyday.
i still think like this,about one such person,
i told her always

thanks for sharring,nicely done

toyysruss
| Posted on 2005-09-05 00:00:00 | by toyysruss | [ Reply to This ]
  Hmm, the stanzas are chopped, but that makes the impact so much..stronger I suppose is the word. Though I can't relate to this, because I've never been in love or married or any of that fun stuff, your words speak.

Karios
| Posted on 2005-09-05 00:00:00 | by Karios | [ Reply to This ]

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