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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Last Calldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: LameMansTerms
    ASL Info:    36/M/Hermosa Beach, Ca
    Elite Ratio:    4.31 - 713/1012/165
    Words: 362
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 1240
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 3215



    Description:
        yeah --no more booze-doctors orders--I guess I've had my fill...and then some!~~~it really makes me sad-I had some freaking wild times--that can never be duplicated literally-I guess that's good enough!...but makes me sad ..really!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLast Calldots
    -------------------------------------------


    Still fresh in my mind,
           all those times
    just you and me friend, chasing the pain.
           And only for its body we would use a case of wine.
    But it and I have gotten old,
           and I think it's time for a change.

    Or how bout when we would get together
       and pound countless beers,
        laughing as we got sloppy drunk.
         We really had some great times....
          at least the ones I remember over the years.

    You have been my co-pilot on too many a night.
      And right by my side in the morning;.
       you are my hangover,
        yet you guide me back to life.
    Sadly, these times will never again be.
      My body can't do it,
       but I will cling to the memories.

    I have to make myself want to.
        Never again want you.
    To kill my pain,
        To keep me less insane.
    To get over that girl,
        To numb all the troubles I have in this world.

    So now I put the Jack back.
      I am jumping off that track.
    And warmth will never come slo again.
      Nor at the bottom of a 1/5 of Gin.
    No more Comfort Southern style.
      Or empty 12 pack boxes in a pile.
    And to yOu;
      my one and only Miller-Lite;
       I fight to say this but... not tonight.
    I thought we'd last forever.
       I thought you made me better.
          Looking back I wasn't often sober.

    I kind of got another date,
       in a different state.
        With myself.
         I think maybe I could be of some help.
          Where I am going is an un-familiar but friendly place.
           and I really don't know anybody.
    But they say good things happen in the town of Sobriety.

       We had a ball,
        and we rocked harder than them all.
         But now it's time to say Goodbye.
          This is my Last Call.
           I am taking back my life.

    ......................................farewell my Miller Lite

    ! a m 3 m a n $ t 3 r m $
    (now 7 days RY!)




    Submitted on 2005-09-06 14:53:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      You know more or less what's been going on in my life lately, so you'll understand why "I am taking back my life" really got to me right now. It in a way reminded me of what I have to do, and in an other way reminded me of how far I have come. And it really pointed out to me what I'm doing right now, and how it won't solve anything. Thanks Mike.

    ~Jessica
    | Posted on 2005-09-25 00:00:00 | by shmuzzelle | [ Reply to This ]
      Fearful of being a borderline alcoholic myself, this piece really grabbed my eye. The desire to drink is there, but your piece has really shown that people can go over the edge and still make it back alive. Thank you.
    | Posted on 2005-09-19 00:00:00 | by Grey Fox | [ Reply to This ]
      This is insanely good! I think I like you with a clear head. Having to face the fact that we are not invincible (Still trying to believe that) is a tough reality. I'm just glad you found out what was wrong befor it took you completely out of this game called Life.

    The poem is well-written. I really got into the rhythm- almost a slow rap- and found the words sliding easily past my eyes as the deeper meaning shone through.

    Welcome to the world of sobriety, I think you'll be ok here. It's a little different though. You don't have the hang overs, you don't piss away as much money, you don't wake up with some stranger in bed... It's not all bad. And there's no scary pains here. Kind of an ok trade-off.

    Very nice job, sweetie!
    -Chell-
    | Posted on 2005-09-16 00:00:00 | by Chell | [ Reply to This ]
      On the revision, I say well done. You didn't cut out the angst in the middle, but you worked around it so that it doesn't seem to become a controlling theme of the peice. You seem to just mention it at the right point, and move on. I lov ethe whole idea of going to another state known as sobriety. This was very well done, and I believe that after you polished this peice up a bit that it flows much better. Nice revision, nice reread. PEACE.
    | Posted on 2005-09-11 00:00:00 | by ConScribe | [ Reply to This ]
      Yep more like it.

    gets us more inside ur head. It lost a bit of the light heartedness in places to be replaced by a little melancholy.
    Which makes a good combination, shows more of a struggle.
    Between the good memories and the new way of life, ur poem tells us u chose the sober life despite the crazy memories.

    That is all I can say now, m too much in pain.
    Thanks for the rose was a nice one.

    V
    | Posted on 2005-09-07 00:00:00 | by babyblue002 | [ Reply to This ]
      This was really good LT. I don't know what its like because I don't drink that much but my mother was an alcoholic and she said it is like giving up a good friend. She has been sober now for 16 years.

    I have faith in you man, be strong and keep writing, get drunk in your words. This was a tremendous start.

    Brightest Blessings,
    Crystal
    | Posted on 2005-09-07 00:00:00 | by lenotoire | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey mike. This was very good. I wasn't really into the drinking myself but the weed and angel dust and painkillers were my thing. I think we can kinda relate on this story. I dotn really remember what you said to me but you said that you are unable to drink anymore because the doctor said so. For me I had to stop taking drugs because of my friend. I guess I was definately a mess. It got so bad she would call me up whenever just to see what I was doin and to make sure I wasn't doing anything stupid. I tried to kill myself one too many times and doing drugs didn't help. I used to be able to remember so much stuff like the things I did the day before and who I talked to and some of the stuff we talked about. Now my mind os so screwed I dont even remember who I talked to yesterday or what I talked about. I guess it is both time for us to stop. If we dont then it could mean death for the both of us. I been clean for about 6 months then heard some stuff about my ex and finally found out why she left me and has been ignoring me this whole time. I wotn deny I cried pretty bad for a couple hours. Because I guess I just needed to let it out for once and just get it out of my system. I may say she should [censored] off and die but I miss the feeling I had with her. So ofcourse as I told you which not sure if I did or not I decided to take a couple pain killers recently and it really messed me up. Quiting something that makes you forget something else is hard to do because then you look for other things to replace it with that will help you forget what you were trying to ignore. well gotta go. -james
    | Posted on 2005-09-07 00:00:00 | by musclebound350 | [ Reply to This ]
      Sheeit, Mike, I don't even wanna contemplate having to give up drinking...although I stopped smoking a few years back and I never thought I'd be able to do that either.

    I like the trip down memory lane, here, it really is one of your best writes.

    Stick in there, man, you know it's for the best, otherwise, you may bring a new meaning to the term "dead drunk"

    Think od the fun you can have dissing all the drunks!

    Be Happy

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-09-07 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, think of it this way..you'll feel better, you'll save money and you'll live longer! Yeah, I know, it sucks.
    But this is a great poem. At first I thought I was about saying goodbye to a friend, then as I read along, I realized it was saying goodbye to a friend, just not a human one. Best of luck, dear LT. You have to stay healthy..ES isn't the same without you.
    Traci :)
    | Posted on 2005-09-07 00:00:00 | by onetruesmartass | [ Reply to This ]
      This is the best thing you've ever written. This is probably one of the best poems I've ever read. I almost dont even want to belive you wroet this cuz it's so good.

    The rythem is perfect. The loose rhyme pattern is fun to read through. THe topic is real and your approach is sincere. The sincerity comes through effortlessly.

    Some of my favorite moments:

    I have to make myself want to,
    Never again want you...

    To get over that girl,


    And this line was just clever and fun:
    "No more Comfort the Southern style."
    although it would read easier without the "the" and the capital "C" on comfort(No more comfort Southern style) Someone who's heard of this drink would still get it.

    The final line "(Atleast for now)" takes away from the integrity of the poem. IT's like you've created this idea of determination and will and fortitude, then in one line you totally destroyed the confidence. YOu've taken away from the seriousness of this piece. The poem has, character, a personality so-to-speak. ANd that last line seems out of character for the piece itself, but it's totally L.T. though so i'm not surprised it's there. "I'm taking back my life" is such a strong and moving statement. That line in itself could end this poem, but for it to precede "Atleast for now"... And then to put it in parentheses, almost like your whispering it or as if it were some afterthought. I say cut it. But that's just me.

    Yet in still. This poem is superb. It's awsome.
    You should be proud of this one. Maybe even feature it. It's a new fav for me without a doubt.


    Spoken
    | Posted on 2005-09-07 00:00:00 | by spoken | [ Reply to This ]
      That Sucks...not your poem...I mean not being able to drink.
    Man...I have to think about that one for awhile.
    Thats f*cking heavy.
    Seriously though, I thought this was cute and well put together. I especially liked the part about Comfort, southern style. (being an ex-whiskey drinker myself)
    I had to quit drinking hard booze and doing...well...ya...other stuff.
    in order to cure my begining ulcers.
    I needed to stop for a lot of reasons but didn't see that till later.
    But if someone tried to take away my beer, well, they might not get their hand back. :P
    But I am proud of you sweetie.
    Your doing the right thing .
    And this is a funny, well written poem about the feelings your having about it, the coflict within.
    I can just see two little Mikey's struggling inside your head, one with a pitchfork in one hand and a bottle of Jack in the other, yelling incoherent ramblings of drunkeness, the other...quiet & intellectual with a bong...asking the other little mikey why he can't just calm down man and take a hit.

    Luv Ya

    CC
    | Posted on 2005-09-07 00:00:00 | by C. Starr | [ Reply to This ]
      Reminds me of a dead arab poet. Imagine there was awhole era dedicated to booze poems.

    Well I dunno what to say about this piece except it is a light hearted one.
    I do not see ur edge or imagery there.
    Guess it is good for what it is. Not exceptional, maybe it helped u vent.

    I am sure u r not gonna like my comment, but hey it is my opinion after all.

    Peace
    V
    | Posted on 2005-09-07 00:00:00 | by babyblue002 | [ Reply to This ]
      I loved it. Seriously this is a very creative peice. It was inspired by actually events in your life, but you were still able to make it so damn innovative while you make the meaning clear as morning(one free from a hangover that is). I especially liked what you did with the various brand name liquors, this was where you really shined. The ackward offbeat rhythm makes it sound like you actually wrote this drunk and makes for a well presented peice of writing. I did see a couple of things wrong with this peice if you may. I liked how you seemed to be talking directly to the alcohol, but at times like this "And to my one and only Miller-Lite" you seem to be talking to another crowd all together. If you worded it like, "And to (you) my one and only (,precious?, I thought it fit) Miller Lite/ (the time for you is over, it just wouldn't feel right)" I don't know for sure, but something like that might work too. Also, and I'm really not sure how important this is to the peice so you might just have to revise this in a different way, but in the middle of the poem for about three lines you seem to just splash a flashback of teen angst.
    You wrote:
    "To kill my pain,
    To keep me less insane.
    To get over that girl,"
    I'm not particularly a big fan of teen angst (I'm being a bit hypocrittal here, but I still despise it) so this part seemed like the turn off in the peice.
    Perhaps it is just the way that you worded the whole part is just rubbing me totally the wrong way. Maybe you chould say something about how you tried to drown away your problems in a ocean full of gin only to find there are other "fish" in the sea. I just thought of that off the top of my head so it stands as only a suggestion. Other than that (sorry, I realize I've written about a third of a novel here so I'll try to bring it to a closure soon) I thoroughly enjoy this peice. I'm not sure if it is worth a fav or not, but I'm looking forward to at least some sort of revision so you must keep me up to date. Thanks for the read, PEACE.

    P.S. Are you alright, you said that your Doc wouldn't let you drink anymore? I'd like to know if you are doing O.K. PEACE (once again).
    | Posted on 2005-09-06 00:00:00 | by ConScribe | [ Reply to This ]
      In general, there's nothing overly special about this poem. It feels like a eulogy simply explaning the good times you had with a friend before he died, or before you and he (or she, I guess) left. It's rather colloquial and dull to me, and it's just.. I dunno, a poem very simply about boozing with someone else.

    Where's the deeper meaning? Without that sort of meaning, I get nothing from the poetry but a vision of a miller light sitting on a bar, which does nothing for me anyway since I don't drink. What exactly were you trying to accomplish, and why did you write this... why write it as a poem?
    | Posted on 2005-09-06 00:00:00 | by Jakle1111 | [ Reply to This ]
      Doctor orders I am not suppose to drink any liquor too...but...I am not a well listener...I don't do it on a regular...but every once in a while...I have to get a little tipsy!

    The bad think about not being able to drink...you start doing other things...joints often remedy the need for a glass of Bombay and Cranberry...Grey Goose...my favorite.

    I am one that drinks...just to save the bottle. Like...I will go in a liquor store and buy a kind of liquor only for the bottle. Vox...GREAT BOTTLE...bad effects from the vodka...

    Anyhoo...I am reaaaaaally rambling off at the mouth here. But...what's new!? LOL

    This was one that someone could read at AA meetings.


    "Ummmmm...my name is Lamemans Terms and I wrote a poem I dedicate to liquor..."

    "Hello Lameman..."

    Good job!

    Li Li
    | Posted on 2005-09-06 00:00:00 | by Munchie_1226 | [ Reply to This ]


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