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    dots Submission Name: Over and Donedots

    Author: manderz_1207
    ASL Info:    15/f/mi
    Elite Ratio:    5.45 - 95/109/38
    Words: 101
    Class/Type: Misc/Longing
    Total Views: 837
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 699

       This might not make a lot of sence and I'm sorry if it doesn't. This is actually one of my first writings that I haven't had a rhyme scheme for and it feels really weird. So please let me know what you think. Thanks!

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOver and Donedots

    These long conversations,
    they're always the same.
    We talk of old memories,
    the ones with the tears.

    It always comes up,
    why were different than before.
    You want me to go back,
    to when I wasnt happy with me.

    I've grown out of love for you,
    forever and more.
    Not now, nor ever,
    will there be a you and I.

    We've changed,
    we're heading in different directions.
    I can't take you back,
    your not what I want.

    I can't love you,
    and pretend to, I won't.
    So don't ask again,
    when you read what I wrote.

    Submitted on 2005-09-06 18:28:10     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      i liked this one. i think you did fine without a ryhme scheme. i cant realy remember what i wrote but i thiink most of it didnt have a ryhme scheme. but back to your poem im sorry that you had to go through what you did but you did a good job of saying that it was over. depending on how my sitution works out i might be writing a poem saying that its over between me and my boyfriend i hope it dosent happen though. but agian i say that this was a realy good write.

    | Posted on 2005-09-24 00:00:00 | by luvy | [ Reply to This ]
      I think it was good. You did great with no ryme scheme but I must pick:

    to when I wasnt happy with me.

    You might want to revise this sentence to say. . .To when I was unhappy with me.

    The last stanza was a little odd but it's good. I like this. It was in no way unclear or confusing. You were very plane with it which made this peice even better. . .no flowery metaphors or similes it was plane bread forget the butter. I'm sorry for whatever it is that has happened b/t you and the other but I certanly hope that you are happy. Great Write. . .
    | Posted on 2005-09-06 00:00:00 | by Raineyes | [ Reply to This ]
      i think its great. i do rhymes and some with no rhymes. you have less restrictions when you dont rhyme. matter of fact the more free you are the more you can express yourself. my first works had lots of rules, rhymes aa,bb,cc,dd,ee fashion with acrostic going down at the same time. lot of rules i added except meter cause I'm meterless or meter impaired. but you have done a fine job. the character in the story be it you or not has expressed the feeling of "its over" the finality of a relationship. made me feel i dont want my next love to say that to me. the context is well presented.
    | Posted on 2005-09-06 00:00:00 | by inspirit999 | [ Reply to This ]

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