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    dots Submission Name: Pieces of Youdots

    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 86
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 753
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 529


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPieces of Youdots

    Looking around for pieces of you,
    a book, a shirt, a thought you left behind.
    I found your fragrance behind the bookcase
    (as I dusted).
    Your face haunts my mind:
    sometimes I swear I feel your weight beside me in bed,
    feel you move the covers,
    feel you in the lead-heavy air that hangs above me.
    You haunt my mind,
    but I know that you're a dream:
    pieces of a man that used to be.
    Pieces stuck in the cobwebs between my ears.

    Submitted on 2004-01-12 12:47:27     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      memories can never be erased, the one your heart loved or loves will always be on mind, to me this reminds me of a time in my life when the mother of my daughter left, I was looking in my room with such heart ache I picked up my daughters baby clothes and smelled them layed down on the bed where they laid and smelled, I left my room the way it was for some days I didnt even sleep there, was to hard for me to be in that room, so this write of yours kinda hits the nail on the head for me, I can relate

    | Posted on 2013-02-14 00:00:00 | by theinforment | [ Reply to This ]
      "i found your fragrance behind the bookcase".. that sentence is beautiful.. both in meanding and the actual vocal sounds.. the repetition of the 's' makes it lyrical..
    i don't agree with sharky about the ending.. this poems moves in a very natural direction.. it's almost like a tide pulling.. you have no choice but to follow

    my only complaint is about the title.. first thing i thought when i read it was Jewel..but besides that .. it just feels a bit repetitive.. like you're giving away too much in the title.. i don't know if that makes sense.. can't really think of a better way to phrase it.
    | Posted on 2004-07-11 00:00:00 | by girlinthephoto | [ Reply to This ]
      Aw, sweetie... That's wonderful. I think it's perfect. Even the ending. Cobwebs, like when you clean out an old attic. Question... was this a significant other, or a father-figure? <><
    | Posted on 2004-03-19 00:00:00 | by WorththeWait | [ Reply to This ]

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