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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Sheddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: whisperslove
    Elite Ratio:    3.96 - 48/37/7
    Words: 86
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 880
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 610



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSheddots
    -------------------------------------------


    She longs to shed her skin.
    Live another life
    if only to break away
    from the pain she is in.

    Any moment in time
    taken elsewhere
    to stand a little taller,
    feel a little stronger.

    Anything is better
    than where she is now,
    broken-hearted
    cowering in misery,
    a half-life
    giving nothing
    to the world.

    She curls herself
    into a ball of steel,
    desperate not to feel
    the pain,
    closing her heart again
    to the ways of love.







    Submitted on 2005-09-06 21:52:59     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This is a very nicely written poem and so very sad. Depression is such a powerful entity to deal with and try to overcome especially when it involves a broken heart such as in this poem. And I like how you ended this poem by saying that she closed her heart to the ways of love because that is exactly what happens. It is tragic too because sometimes this wall that is built never is taken down and the pain remains regardless of how deep it is buried. I think you did a fine job expressing this feeling especially considering you speak of someone else's pain. Very nice! Take care!

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-09-13 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      again... such good expressions! I have seen this happen on so many instances, and it is so sad for me to see people rotting inside instead of finding true peace... but this poem is awesome! I really like it.. you have a gift.. keep em coming. :) I can't wait to read more!
    ~Shawn
    | Posted on 2005-09-09 00:00:00 | by Shawnothan | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice imagery..there are definitely time in my life i wish I could Shed my skin and a lot of the baggage that goes with it. your emotion is great and comes through loud and clear... it's a bit sad that she won't take the risk at finding a love to make her happy, though.
    Welcome to Elite!
    jan
    | Posted on 2005-09-06 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]
      Awe.. so sad to be curled into a ball of steel. Bummer for her.

    I enjoyed the write. I felt the pain and appreciated the images.

    Good job.

    Please share more.

    Welcome to the site.
    | Posted on 2005-09-06 00:00:00 | by beatthedrum | [ Reply to This ]
      what a uniqueness in this perception of love
    so she won't get hurt she closes her self off
    but life says other wise if your open to love
    you'll be one lonely and bitter person
    you must give your self hope but thats my opinion
    we all grow with each bad relationship
    | Posted on 2005-09-06 00:00:00 | by littlepoet | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this. You did a great job of portraying unpleasant emotions. I think pretty much everyone has felt this way, and universiality is always nice. The only suggestion I can make is that you end the last line of the first stanza in a preposition; I know that in poetry we sometimes break grammatical rules, perhaps you could say "from the pain she feels" though. I don't think it loses anything that way.

    Lots of love,
    Amy
    | Posted on 2005-09-06 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]


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