Description: I changed a couple of words here: it used to be "missing from her tattered womb" and "puddles of blood in a white room" wasn't there. Should I leave it or change it back?
A Puzzle Piece Lost -------------------------------------------
He was that puzzle piece
you find a week
after the puzzle is finished.
She loved him
would have loved him
with all but a golden ring,
but she already had one.
She loved her husband,
but that other man persisted
vowed to have her
even at the cost of death.
Eventually he wore away
the chain mail covering her heart.
She loved them both;
then, she loved neither.
She died ashamed
of feeling too much love;
she wasn't that type of woman.
She died with a puzzle piece
torn from her tattered womb
puddles of blood in a white room,
a child that could have been
black or white
this is great...i love the idea of the other man being a puzzle piece...you find a week later...and the lines you added are perfect...i hadn't read it before but i'm not sure it would of read aswell before...purps
this is a beautiful, and depressing piece. It brought back memories and broke my heart. The metaphores in the piece were, as I've come to expect in your work. origional and captivating/ quite visual. god bless
major goosebumps. I love when that happens! So sad and so profound. DO NOT change this. The part you question is exactly where the goosebumps hit me. Eerie and tragic and deep, these words cut to the heart of the subject at hand and it is one that is happening everyday but in shadows. You bring it out into the light and let us all experience the pain of it. How much more powerful can written words be?
This drew me in...sucked me in. I loved it...the succinctness of it. I sense the wrestle of the conscience that went on witht he woman. I love the last two lines. A different style for you Cuddle and I liked it.
oh wow, this is so cool. I would leave it exactly as it is. who is this about? it seems like it could be about some mysterious writer torn between two men. very compelling. I would only suggest more specifics and maybe a clue as to who you are writing about if it's someone real. this was great though. I loved the ending you chose.
I think 'torn' is better than 'missing'; torn sounds more brutal. And whether to leave off or insert 'puddles of blood...' depends on whether you use 'missing' or 'torn'. If it's 'torn',then 'puddles...' should be in. But if you use 'missing',then leave 'puddles...' out. Good write!
Aww. Talk about lots of symbolic meaning in this. I love the simple format and the no punctuation. It doesn't need it because the impact of the words and phrases are excellent enough. I like how you said that the other guy was the lost puzzle piece, someone she could've loved but came too late. I think about stuff like that sometimes. Good symbolism there. I like how you said that love killed her. She didn't know which way to turn. She was confused and as I took it, with child. In 1952 that type of thing was frowned upon. I really like this because you don't tell us that it's a black man and a white man until the end. I really enjoyed this as it is. Great job sis! :) *Hugs* Definitely a fav.
I didnt read the first write on this. I think it's pretty clear as to what your referring to. Very sad indeed, and it graphically portrays the message. I like the style and form you used. No extra lines thrown in to confuse the issue. The fifties was a harrowing time for many. Very well written, Amy. Carol
You create a hesitation here that illustrates confusion. I had to read it the second time because I thought, Amy girl's lost it. The style is perfect for the cause, so I'm not worried. And then the reference to the year makes it al the more intriguing. The child, either black or white. I just read some work by Langston Hughes born in Joplin, MO who was mulatto. He even addresses that idea in the piece I read. Beautiful soul , just like yours, thanks love, Nan
Wow. While I was reading it, I was thinking that it sounded like something from several years ago. Excellent story... it's so sad though. I don't see anything that I think needs tweaking. I'm sure I probably told you before, but you are really talented. As always, great job
<jaw drops> okay. this is beautiful. Poignant. I don't, as a rule, approve of things that involve affairs, or the such-like, but the story told here in just afew words is so heartbreaking that I can't help but applaud your storytelling. There are, perhaps, a few things that could be tweaked here and there, but I certainly couldn't enumerate them, and I think, nor could you, without a few days or weeks to let it stew and separate itself from your immediate consciousness, so the attachment is not so great.