To Memories by zyllion

Writing

poetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dots

dots

dots

Online Education

Video Tutorials

<< | >>

poetry

dots

Submission Name: To Memories dots

dots

--------------------------------------------------------

Author:	zyllion
Elite Ratio:	8 - 171/117/20
Words:	234

Class/Type:	Poetry/Longing
Total Views:	404
Average Vote:	1.0000
Bytes:	1360

Description:
OK, this one I wrote the other day when I was feeling really depressed. The capitol letters actually mark the beginning of a new line; it's just that this piece uses long lines, so they didn't come out quite right on the ES formatting. Please, please, please take the time to comment and give feedback.

Make the font bigger!!

Double Spacing

Back to recent posts.

dots

To Memories dots

dots

-------------------------------------------

Can you remember how many times I asked for your love with tears in my eyes?
Hoping and praying that you would listen, that you could listen and understand
Only to feel the crushing pain as though you literally tore my heart in two

Can you understand that the love I felt for you was real?
No matter how many times I tried to convince myself otherwise
Praying that it was only a bad crush (and letting my friends tell me that that was so)

Oh, how I longed for the days when we could just stay up for hours
Talking of everything I knew, and yet still talking of nothing whatsoever
What happened to those days?

I can still visualize the fire pit that we sat around, trading stories, in the middle of the shaded wood
Staying up long past midnight, whispering in each other’s ears
Can you try to remember, try to return to the magical moments of so long ago?

If only, if only you could remember how we felt together
The press of your body against mine was so right
We just fit together as one

But those days are gone, leaving me stuck in the memories of a former glory
Feeling the crushing pain as you literally tear my heart in two
After so many perfect memories, so many perfect times, can you remember?

Submitted on 2005-09-07 00:22:33 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  I really can feel the emotion and pain you are trying to let go of in this write

As time goes on we get to know our mates better and understand just what it is that needs to be corrected
Remember in life nothing is perfect
Evreything will have its faults its only when we realize these faults that we can work harder to create True Love

Fantastic Write
Take Care
Ron

Please if you get a chance take a look at my poetry and let me know what you think

Thank You
Ron
| Posted on 2005-10-28 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
  This is a nice write. It is if you wrote this to this person in a letter. I think you have done a great job at allowing the reader a good sense as to how you feel. It definitely portrays longing for the relationship you once shared that is now not the same anymore. I can relate to these feelings and can recall a past relationship that I really felt this way about. It sucks when you want something so badly and feel so powerless in what you can do. It is awful when you want someone so much and want a relationship to return to the happy times when it seems it is fading away. This is a very good expression of your honest emotion. And sometimes no matter how much you want something, it just never returns. It is very hard, I know. This is a good write! Take care!

Lorna
| Posted on 2005-10-28 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
  I will say one word - yearning.

Not desire, not longing - yearning.

Your poem flowed well, which is a surprising achievement because your lines are long and obscure, so to say.

You paint a lot of puctures in here, which is nice because it made me see in my mind's eye all those moments that you spend together.

But at the same time, you could use some more, actually a lot more, imagery,because 'perfect' - perfect times, perfect feelings - it just doesn't mean anything. What is perfect for you? All I can say is - metaphorize.
The same I could say about 'crushing pain' and 'former glory'.

overally, nice, but some editing would not be out of place.
| Posted on 2005-10-15 00:00:00 | by expiring_touch | [ Reply to This ]
  First of all, you misused the word literally here. Literally means that it actually happened- just as you said it- you were being figuretive. To say "I laughed so hard I *literally shi.t my pants" would mean you really had some poop in your pants. So to say he *literally tore your heart in two you would mean he phsically did it and that you are now dead. Sorry that is just one of my biggest pet peeves, people are constantly misusing that word! You could say "as if" you literally tore my heart in two, that would work but in any case it sounds like this is a very longing peice. You miss this person so badly that you feel like you're in physical pain and that I can relate too. You expressed the feeling of regret and longing very well in this poem.
| Posted on 2005-09-07 00:00:00 | by dawnschild | [ Reply to This ]
  A very sombre piece, it reminds me of a very good friend of mine that I lost after I revealed my feelings to although the feeling was mutual.This person was unfortunately in a serious relationship and I only found out after, which was rather painful to endure..This piece has a very emotional element to it, sure many of us can identify with a certain verse from this one...It has been crafted with so much honesty and its really touching...Though it envoked painfull memories, it was worth a read...Your use of imagery is also beautiful and you make it really easy for us to perceive...I enjoyed reading this one, it felt more as though you were talking about me...Very powerful write...Be happy...Nobantu
| Posted on 2005-09-07 00:00:00 | by Nobantu | [ Reply to This ]

Full Anime Episodes Streaming Free
5 million youtube videos all rated over 4.7 stars with 40+ ratings

[ Copy this | Start New | Full Size ]

Enter your search terms Submit search form

Web www.eliteskills.com

[ Chrispian ] [ Write Forum ]
[ Friends ] [ SNESroms ] .

dots

Login

dots

[ Quick Signup ]
[ Lost Password ]

January 10 07
131,497 Poems
Posted

I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

[ Angst Poetry ]
[ Cutters ]
[ Famous Poetry ]
[ Poetry Scams ]

FontSize:
[ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]

Poetry

This user has been inactive for more than 5 days.