Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Love's Falldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: whisperslove
    Elite Ratio:    3.96 - 48/37/7
    Words: 73
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1219
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 533



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLove's Falldots
    -------------------------------------------



    Love's fall from grace
    brings shadows to a heart.
    Where once lay a tender touch
    now only sorrow stays.

    Dreams evaporate
    back into the sky
    where stars refuse to shine
    and the moon dims her glow.

    In the darkness
    tears stain rumpled sheets,
    memories of love-making
    dissipating into mist on the air.

    A caring heart
    stumbles on the road,
    not knowing where to go
    from here.






    Submitted on 2005-09-07 09:54:43     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      But as the memories fade
    Walking down paths
    now paved
    september gets colder

    its the first spring
    for an old heart to feel


    I dunno, I felt the need to write that lil bit in the aftermath of having read your piece. Though I don't feel it's anywhere near up to par with you piece. I am in a definate poetical rut. I find it interesting that I generally dont like the use of the word "Love" unless it is used within a poem of how it has been lost. Call my cynical or pessimistic.(shrugs) I enjoyed the simplicity of how you described the loss of the feelings of times shared while in love. how quickly the feeling of a lovers touch comes and goes, and when its gone its hard to recall the intricasies(think I spelled that wrong) of what went on. I can offer no thoughts on this piece, because I wouldn't change a thing. and btw thanks for reading boxes for the broken hearted!-John
    | Posted on 2005-09-12 00:00:00 | by Mithrandir | [ Reply to This ]
      Really great job here, this is quite a portrait of love's loss.


    Dreams evaporate
    back into the sky
    where stars refuse to shine
    and the moon dims her glow.

    These are such vivid images, what love does to us is truly
    sad when she appears to leave.

    In the darkness
    tears stain rumpled sheets,
    memories of love-making
    dissipating into mist on the air.


    It is amazing how love fills in all the spaces around us as we feel loving. Someone here commented that we don't have enough names for love, to describe all the gentle blends there really are. Great job, I love the internal rhyme, smooth as silk, thanks for sharing.
    peace and love,
    nansofast
    | Posted on 2005-09-09 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      what a beautiful but sad write,the stanzas are excellently crafted and flow beautifully,and the pictures it builds in ones mind were vivid and full of loss,this is one of the best love poems ive read and i hope you dont mind me adding it to my favs list great job!
    graham
    | Posted on 2005-09-09 00:00:00 | by gd66uk | [ Reply to This ]
      wow... this , i believe would be the best i've seen of yours yet! I love the imagery and find the meaning very accurate. You have really put the subject into word-pictures in such an elegant manner ;) i really liked it! The best part by far is:

    Dreams evaporate
    back into the sky
    where stars refuse to shine
    and the moon dims her glow.

    of course, it is also very sad. but true too i suppose.
    have a great day!
    ~Shawn
    | Posted on 2005-09-09 00:00:00 | by Shawnothan | [ Reply to This ]
      Jo,
    This is wonderful
    The second stanza was just so well written especially the lines
    "where stars refuse to shine
    and the moon dims her glow"

    The whole piece was just really good and I really liked this
    Lisa
    | Posted on 2005-09-07 00:00:00 | by ravenwolf68 | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a nicely written yet so very sad poem. Heartbreaking would be a better word and you have done a great job capturing just that within these words! This part is my fave:

    In the darkness
    tears stain rumpled sheets,
    memories of love-making
    dissipating into mist on the air.

    To me that speaks volumes of pain and dispair and is worded very well. I think you have written a great poem here! Take care!

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-09-07 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      A lost love, left with just the "ghost" of the feeling that once was so good...this was a sad piece and it was well done with it's images. As Cat said, there is hope and a love had is truly never a love lost.
    Love,Peace,Joy! tif ; )
    | Posted on 2005-09-07 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      this is heart-breaking to read to say the least. dreams evaporating, stars refusing to shine, the moon dimming her glow... haunting images of a love gone. there is hope, though, always hope that a heart will heal and love again.

    well done.

    stay golden,
    ~Cat
    | Posted on 2005-09-07 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    73450

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry