Description: This is what happens when you love someone so much, and they leave you, only telling you thier love never measured to yours. This is just my interpretation of losing what I feel was and is and will always be the love of my life.
Set Me Free -------------------------------------------
Muted waters of Silver and Grey
Dive in
Explore within the depths of me
Float along the crests of my mind
Cut through the heart of that which is silent
Memories invade as sleep consumes
There you await
To torture, to induce pain
Paddling through the waves of my soul
Splashing along the rivers of my life
Awakened by your laughter
Frozen as my clammy hands shake in helplessness
To only become this self-inflicted insomniac
Ceasing these games you play with my psyche
Leave me to rot in your wake
Love that ripped me of myself
Still, as my life recedes
My love for you remains
This is a very good poem. You have expressed your feelings well with your words. I have been there and can relate to this poem. I especially like the very last line. That really says it all by itself! Even though they have gone, they remain in your heart and it seems there is nothing you can do to get them out. I hurt for a long time when I went through this situation and found that it has made me stronger. Not colder, just stronger. So, even in the worst times, we still learn, and when we learn, we grow, and when we grow, we find strength. I wouldnt wish this feeling on anyone, but at least it is nice to find out that it does pass and life moves on. However, I still have a shattered part of my heart that to this day still belongs to him. True love never dies regardless of how bad it hurts and despite how much I wished it would. Hope you found your peace with this awful life situation. Take care.
This piece is great. I like the emotion, the flow is great, I love your word choices. I really like the consistancy of your "water" metaphor. I don't think the last line is necessary, or well placed. I think maybe it serves its purpose in the title. -just a thought. Nice write, Nicely
Induce, recedes - two little typos, I'm really pedantic about stuff like that sorry lol.
I think you have a lot of emotional imagery/symbolism here which is great. Silver-grey waters... which relates to subconscious desires - not gold, not base metals but something in between - of longing, feeling secondary... but after reading your description just now that makes a lot of sense.
Sleep consumes - I know that feeling. You don't want to ever wake up from that pain... sleeping and dreaming is a much better reality it seems. But we have to move on, learn from that experience which crushed us so... at least that is what I've been trying to do. But it's hard. But so much more rewarding at the same time.
I wish I could say more along constructive lines. Your capitalization of each line and sparse punctuation seemed to fit with this piece... perhaps a semi-colon here or there to separate some ideas would be nice... but that's just my personal bias coming through, don't worry about it.
It's a nice piece. Quite similar in vein to metaphorical exercises I have undertaken... but anyways, I'm not here to talk about my stuff.
Try some formatting, centering perhaps... making use of italics, enjambment etc. It's always a good thing to try out. Well, this is all I have to say right now.
Great Write...I liked the way you conveyed your emotions here...I've written a few pieces about someone I wanted but knew I couldn't have and it's kind of the same feelings...You did a good job, keep it up.
Even though this was a sad love piece I really thought you invoked a visual feeling of the pain with your descriptive words. I liked, "Awakened by your laughter Frozen as my clammy hands shake in helplessness To only become this self-inflicted insomniac Ceasing these games you play with my psyche Leave me to rot in your wake" That almost seemed like a mini-angst poem to me. Good job and love will find you again! Love,Peace,Joy! tif ; )
Such deep emotions felt here. The heart is such a fragile thing, much too sensitive to be toyed with. I believe that our hearts contol our minds and not the other way around, which is why love is such a wonderful or painful experience. This piece was just beautiful and flowed with great imagery. Great work, sweety! Alissa
I think you did a great job with this piece. I feel a lot of emotion in your words. It feels very strong and consuming. I liked it a lot and hope to read more from you.
I like your freedom in expressing your emotions, but i feel you have deeper and stronger feelings that you can convey through this piece. Keep on writing.
To feel love so deeply, that even being torn and battered can't take that love away. This piece is really good, and I could feel your emotion through your words. You seem to have an intensity about your writing. Excellent work, I hope to read more from you soon.
Submission Name: Set Me Free
