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Selfish Girl


Author: star_on_fire22
Elite Ratio:    2.89 - 58 /55 /19
Words: 221
Class/Type: Poetry /Broken
Total Views: 1062
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1215



Description:


i don't know why i wrote this. i just had a feeling, and it just came to me. but no, its not true atleast. i hope someone likes it or soemthing. if not go ahead and bash it.


Selfish Girl



You made me whole.
You were my other half.
without you i am so alone and cold.
looking at the place you once occupied,
i weep silently into my pillow.
why did you have to go?
all the good things in life have left me.
now my whole being is numb to the world.
if only i had been better, or
maybe if i loved you more,
you would be here still for me.
but i was so selfish and didnt care what you needed.
you needed to be loved just as i did.
when you were sad and needed me to be there i turned you away.
i just wish i would of seen this before,
maybe i could of stopped what is now our fate.
i am to be forever haunted by your face.
telling me its all my fault.
i shouldnt of left you without atleast telling you i loved you.
Do you know i love you?
i love you more than life it self.
i just wish you would of seen it sooner.
and i wish i listened to you more.
you were crying out for my help and i just wanted everything to be perfect and to have what I wanted.
i was selfish.
and now because of what i have done...
You're Dead.




Submitted on 2005-09-07 13:16:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  okay I liked what you were doing with this...though structure needs some improvement...I have people suggest to me to read my work aloud in order to catch where the flow gets choppy or where words dont quite fit in like I thought when i was writing...I think that same suggestion can help you as well...


Tina
| Posted on 2005-10-19 00:00:00 | by Brownsdelight | [ Reply to This ]
  This is pretty. I know that place that you were in when you wrote this, I've been residing there for the past four months. I have to agree with my sis, though. I didn't really expect the killing him off thing. Doesn't really fit. You just kinda threw it out there, without setting anyone up for it. This is a really good poem, regardless.
| Posted on 2005-09-09 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]
  I think, and please don't be offended, that there is just too much going on here...the idea seems like it is trying too hard...I really liked the part about looking for them where they were, their place on your pillow. THat was cool...you have some awesome lines but I think that you should focus more on what you were originally doin in this one...killing the guy in the end seemd too typical...I'm sorry, you are probably a very good writer...I like the content, and the way you put everything...I think it was just the end that disagreed with me.
| Posted on 2005-09-08 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
  I can say that i prefer your work above most on this site, i have a few writers that i feel have something relivent to say.
| Posted on 2005-09-07 00:00:00 | by Martin S. Allen | [ Reply to This ]


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