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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Crouching Medots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 99
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 683
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 571



    Description:
       This was told I guess in a boys point of view...I really don't like it but I was urged to post so yea...bah ha!!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCrouching Medots
    -------------------------------------------


    She walked along to the pub
    and I watched her from where I stood
    her hair fell to her toes

    waves of hair that fell and rose

    And when she walked she moved her lips
    and I talked to her from where I stood
    she laughed to herself like I told a joke

    her mouth opened but she never spoke

    when she arrived she seemed to look back
    I crouched down so she wouldn't see
    and when she flipped her hair it seemed that she waved
    I'de like to think that she waved at me




    Submitted on 2005-09-07 13:17:10     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      I like this. It's funny that her hair fell to her toes, I thought, would this have been Jaz had I not paid to have her hair cut? Your hair could fall to your toes. Not the hair from your nose, either. This is very cute, though. Uniquely cute, might I say. Was she wearing lipstick? Cause lipstick makes you pretty.
    | Posted on 2005-09-08 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]
      Unique takes you from one point of view to a way different one... First you tell us you are afraid and then you tell us that you hope she waved which means from fear to friendliness and then you moved it from being out there to being shy by hiding the character crouching... i liked it nice story hope to hear more from you
    | Posted on 2005-09-07 00:00:00 | by josymanthegreat | [ Reply to This ]
      its very relaxed an smooth the way the word play is put out ../. i like the storytelling ../.it reminded me of a late night date../. other then that keep writing and keep dreaming
    JWI
    | Posted on 2005-09-07 00:00:00 | by J W I | [ Reply to This ]
      this is a very unique form of poem. at first it sounds kid of choppy and like it wouldnt be good but something about it made it good. im not sure what. it is good. my favorite lines are
    her hair fell to her toes

    waves of hair that fell and rose
    it just sounds funny and neat. especially from a guys point of view. just imagining a guy noticing a girls hair that long moving. its kind of comical. well keep it up:D
    Ashley
    | Posted on 2005-09-07 00:00:00 | by star_on_fire22 | [ Reply to This ]


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