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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Sounds Of Silencedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lenotoire
    ASL Info:    32/F/Northern Michigan
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 466/177/22
    Words: 331
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 325
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1807



    Description:
       I wrote this for my husband who passed a life altering judgment on another man, when it was not his right to judge. He was given a choice, and without listening to what is heart said, he made the wrong choice. Now, I can't help to feel nothing but disappointment in him. He turned out to be a different man than I thought he was.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Sounds Of Silencedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Listen intensely for them. The sounds of silence are all around, echoing with the faint drum of a heartbeat. A chill wind in the back of the mind blows doubts to the forefront, doubts of a long forgotten image.

    A piece of history wrapped in old linen, discolored by decades gone by. Photographs of long dead illusions with faces warped from age create images. A journal encased in wrinkled leather of burnished orange lying at the bottom of a chest, buried in years of forgotten debris holds memories of the past. And a tarnished looking glass that reflects the furrows of time.



    Age is what we see it for, some forgotten life well hidden in the darkest alcove of the psyche. But do we really not recall past mistakes that we never had the chance or even the intent of mending? Do we refuse to listen to the heart and what it means to tell us? In the beginning of death when we lie cold and alone in our beds of white cotton, will we then recall?

    We would like to believe that we wouldn’t, but with Fate at hand we will not have the option. We must face our demons of guilt and regret. For we will then be judged like those of us who have so easily judged in our lives. If we go on in the hopes of someday perfecting ourselves, will those judgments we received be lesson enough, or will we live to craft our mistakes again. No, we will just craft them differently.



    The reflection in the mirror will continue to fade, while those old photographs are returned to that yellowed linen to be hidden from eyes grown cold. The sounds of silence are the loudest when the soul has no regard for the wronged. And the deafening tempo of the heart is all that will be heard through the echoes of a life lived in remorse.




    Submitted on 2005-09-07 17:04:11     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This is really good. So very well written and expressed and you have provided such vivid imagery throughout this piece. I am impressed with how well this reads and how elegantly you expressed your thoughts on such a deep subject such as this. I cannot defend your husband here, we all have choices that we make in our lives everyday, but I also know we are all human as well and our bound to make mistakes along the way. However, I dont know what the judgement was that was made and so I am not one to say much about it. Some people just have a hard time having compassion for other people. Maybe they werent shown any in their life and dont understand it, I dont know. I cant see anything I would change in this write. It is perfectly worded and written so very well. Wonderful job with this! It is so hard to deal with this kind of situation when you think you know someone so very well and then find out you were wrong. I have been there myself and it is one hell of a disappointment. I understand how you must feel dealing with this. Excellent write. Take care.

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-11-25 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      This is really powerful piece. The language used is stunning.

    "A piece of history wrapped in old linen"
    "Photographs of long dead illusions
    "a tarnished looking glass that reflects the furrows of time."

    Several small perfect images working together to create a mood.

    "In the beginning of death when we lie cold and alone in our beds of white cotton, will we then recall?"
    "We would like to believe that we wouldn’t, but with Fate at hand we will not have the option. We must face our demons of guilt and regret."

    Somehow in here, I feel a statement condemning judging. Though you haven't stated it in words, you've brought it through very well in the sum of the entire piece. I agree with you taht we should do our best to not judge others. On the other hand, it kind of begs the point that is the flaw of much Eastern Philosophy. Not judging is a choice and condemning judgement is a judgement itself. Sometimes even when we disagree with someone because they have judged, we are judging ourselves.

    One minor nitpick:
    "Listen intensely for it. The sounds of silence are all around,"
    "it" in the first sentence is singular. "Sounds" is plural. It should probably be "Listen for them" or The sound of silence is all around".

    Well written piece,
    Steve
    | Posted on 2005-11-21 00:00:00 | by Lost Sheep | [ Reply to This ]
      your descriptive language in this is very good. the silence yet hearing a heartbeat reminds me of Edgar Allen Poe’s story tell tell heart where a person's conscience get the better of him. I enjoy immensely the entire 2nd stanza it is so rich in that language. in the 3rd stanza the intent of mending past mistakes that does have my reflect on my own and some things I have done hurts to think about them I try to block those out though that never really helps the situation. i like that part about listening to the heart what if a persons heart/mind is bad most of the time and cannot trust his/her own heart/mind what then do they listen too? the grave the final resting place do we die with our deeds. do they scream to us after death I wonder.

    judging and mistakes. those lines do ring with wisdom about judgment and about judging others. sometimes the line between judgment and correction can get muddled. i like the last line do we craft those mistakes differently, that is a treasure there.

    the reflection on the mirror fading i can take that as one own image looking at one's faults. and the photographs that are hidden from eyes grown cold may mean also our past mistakes from those judgments that are brought on us. i do have a gripe that does sting me from time to time about people digging into my past that is when i fill out an application. i feel on many applications be it a job or any type there are many things on it i feel no one has any business knowing. "The sounds of silence are the loudest when the soul has no regard for the wronged." I love this line it has made me love this work all the more along with your solid descriptions in it. that line is like the backbone of what i believe, my mind never lets me rest in a wrong. i constantly beat myself up for the wrongs i do, i get headaches and lose sleep. a person who goes on through life feeling they do no wrong and yet does wrong people is someone i care not to associate with i bolded that for those peering. overall this is a great wrote with an awesome message in it good for these times of hearts waxing cold. excellent one!,

    ~mike
    | Posted on 2005-10-16 00:00:00 | by inspirit999 | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a very strong piece of work and excellently written. You do a good job presenting the reader with consequences of the choices we make. ‘The sounds of silence are the loudest when the soul has no regard for the wronged.’ – is terrific. Wonderful job here.

    As for your husband, we’re all human and therefore doomed to make mistakes. Try not to be too hard on him. The only thing we can do is learn from them. Hopefully he has.

    Peace,

    Joe
    | Posted on 2005-10-04 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a thought-provoking piece. I've always called this style "poetic prose".

    I didn't care much for the title - it seems such a cliché anymore, after Simon and Garfunkle.

    Your second paragraph was absolutely beautiful in its descriptions except that do old photographs 'create images' or do they conjure up scenes in our minds or kindle memories? An old photograph IS an image, so 'create images' doesn't really seem right somehow.

    'But do we really not recall past mistakes that we never had the chance or even the intent of mending? '

    This is a great sentence, first in its structure, but even more in its content. Or even the intent of mending? How many mistakes do we make that we have no intention of putting right?


    The timing in the last line of that same paragraph seems off. "In the beginning of death when we lie cold and alone..." We would lie cold and alone at the end of death, wouldn't we? At least when my father was dying, he was still warm until it was over! I expect most people are. (!)

    I have to disagree with the thought expressed in the next paragraph, that we will make the same mistakes, just in a different way. I fully believe in a person's capacity to learn from the mistakes they've made. While I know that some people become more rigid and even hostile as they age, in my experience, most people become more accepting and softer in their judgements as they get older. No critique of your piece or your writing in that section - just a difference of opinion.

    But, back to the review. My last item of critique is the first line of your last paragraph. "The reflection in the mirror will resume to fade..." Do you mean 'continue to fade'? Resume would indicate that it had stopped for a time, and then begun again. I don't think it would stop fading would it?

    " The sounds of silence are the loudest when the soul has no regard for the wronged."

    Once again, great lines and a great thought.

    A really, REALLY, good write.

    In closing, having been married a long time, I would caution you, don't do the same thing your husband did by judging him. It was a mistake in judgment. Give your husband the benefit of the doubt. And if it's something that threatens to destroy your marriage, then please discuss it with him - somehow make him see how important it is to you. Just my unsolicited advice! mae
    | Posted on 2005-09-20 00:00:00 | by mae | [ Reply to This ]
      the very structure of this poem makes it hard for me to critique and that is ironic (true irony, not like rain on your wedding day, which is actually [censored]ty luck) because I am prejudging the poem based on its structure instead of concentrating on the theme of it. So, on a second read I have broken it down into a structure in my head that makes it easier for me to view it. Having said all of that, I still think in its current form this is more prose than poetry, but what the hell does it really matter.

    Okay, the meat of it. Yes, you make good points. I can't speak to the event you are writing about because I have no idea what happened, but what I gather is that age was likely a determining factor and probably some event from an individuals deep past. I am one that believes strongly in second chances. I also believe that as time goes by I find more and more that age is virtually meaningless as a determining factor in a person's capabilities or character. I am also human, so I too prejudge people all the time. But then I give them the opportunity to prove me wrong. And it doesn't take much to do that since I am hoping for it in the first place.

    There is a lot of good in here. I feel a Poe-esque telltale heart kind of thing here to some degree. I'm sure there is something to that - the whole life passing before you and regrets and a need to bare one's soul, seek redemption...forgiveness. And I'm sure you're right, the core of a person doesn't change a whole lot. We make the same mistakes repeatedly.

    On a third read there is but one super minor thing that I might change and that is the line "We would like to believe that we wouldn’t, but with the fate at hand we will not have the option" Something about the "the" in "the fate"...I think simply omitting it and leaving it as "but with fate at hand" or perhaps to emphasize the significance of fate, I might capitalize it so it would read "but with Fate at hand..."

    anyway, like I said, minor. And all in all I commend you for taking something that happened in your everyday life that effected you a great deal and putting it to paper. To me, although it seems these would be the easiest pieces to write, they are actually the most difficult, and you've done an excellent job here.

    poetry or prose? Not for me to say...doesn't really matter. You certainly use some poetic devices and express your thoughts well. Wish I had more to say, but with Monday Night Football looming, my time has expired.

    good stuff Crystal
    | Posted on 2005-09-12 00:00:00 | by deadndreaming | [ Reply to This ]
      Mmmm...Crystal, this is a very personal piece, and is hard to talk about for an outsider.

    Thanks to your description, I have an idea of what you're about here, but it just seems that you don't really know whether to blame him for his narrow attitude, or yourself for not beng more tolerant to others' opinions...

    The history thing...did he bring out memories of your Father? Repressed thoughts of childhood abuse?

    All I have with this poem is questions, poetically it doesn't need critique, but from a personal levl, all I can say is don't throw away what you have because of one comment that you don't agree with.

    I'm sorry I can't be more helpful.

    Be Happy (whatever happens)

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-09-07 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]



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