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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: For Usdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Blindly-N-Love
    ASL Info:    17/F
    Elite Ratio:    4.61 - 197/141/29
    Words: 162
    Class/Type: Poetry/Venting
    Total Views: 836
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1144



    Description:
       This is just a lil vent.. Sorry if it offends people. But please comment.. Let me hear what you think.. Im testing out different writing styles..


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFor Usdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I believe you,
    This was means nothing.
    Our soldiers are doing nothing.

    They are just over seas fighting for us,
    Getting beheaded for us,
    Beaten for us,
    Dying for us,
    Going through hell, Just for us...

    But it's nothing.

    A few years ago,
    We sat and watched t.v.
    "Breaking News:
    One of the towers have been hit.
    Oh My God..
    Here comes another plane.
    The second tower has just been hit.
    The second tower has collapsed,
    Oh, the first one is gone, too."

    Again.. That was nothing.

    Our father faught for freedom,
    So people can live on their own account..
    Not be discriminated because of religion..
    Yet, that's why were being hit..
    Our soldiers today fight for all of our lives.
    And people say they are doing nothing.

    It's all for us,
    Even those who are so ungrateful.
    It's all for us!!

    No one understands..
    It means something...

    It is all For Us!!




    Submitted on 2005-09-07 18:35:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    4: Pretty cool
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    ||| Comments |||
      I agree with all that are below me, you have a great topic, a clear point, but you must find a better form of expression in words, raw emotion and pain is sumtimes all that is needed for poetry, for artwork of a generic kind, but to express a point of view you need to reach deeper into the recess's of your mind soul, and sumtimes honestly, dictionary lol
    Not ur best work, and could use improvment, but its an alrite read, and write
    | Posted on 2005-10-31 00:00:00 | by obsidiandreams | [ Reply to This ]
      The message you try to lay out is very powerful, but I don't think your words were very powerful. I have no real suggestions on how to improve...perhaps actually detail your emotions towards the topic...thats what stuck out most about it...your poem engulfs a very serious, and for most people, a very emotional topic...perhaps try to capture some of the lament that you and others feel. Other than that, not bad at all.
    | Posted on 2005-09-08 00:00:00 | by Skeletor | [ Reply to This ]
      You wrote a very powerful message here. I agree with your sentiments. There are a few grammatical gaffs and misspelled words, but otherwise, it was great!
    | Posted on 2005-09-07 00:00:00 | by The Gadfly | [ Reply to This ]
      i like this cause it takes a while to figure out what you're trying to say...satire at first..and then the truth! heh. me gusta. im glad you are writing about bigger things than your love life. :-) but seriously, satire is fun! nice job.
    | Posted on 2005-09-07 00:00:00 | by hmmmm... | [ Reply to This ]


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    January 10 07
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