Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Untitleddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: _winky_
    ASL Info:    25/f/minnesota
    Elite Ratio:    4.32 - 664/529/96
    Words: 211
    Class/Type: Misc/Passion
    Total Views: 923
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1260



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsUntitleddots
    -------------------------------------------


    I look at you and fall to pieces
    My hearts beats rapidly with just that look
    I lay here begging for your magical touch
    All the while dreaming of all youíll do to me
    My legs fall gently to the floor beneath
    Arching my back upwards as you move up me
    I feel your warm breath working up my thighs
    With your tongue quickly moving
    My body reaches the bluest skies
    As you take me all in, I flow uncontrollably
    Making sure you donít miss any of me
    All the while squeezing my breasts
    I canít help but scream from the pure ecstasy
    Softly you whisper into my ear
    Asking if Iím ready, is there any fear
    I just pull you closer until we blend
    My body tingles from feelings of a friend
    Pounding and flexing into the unknown
    Our bodies intertwine our souls as one
    Sweat keeps dripping off every inch of us
    As we move to anew spot to thrust
    Nothing can beat pleasures from on top
    With handcuffs all ready, you donít want to stop
    So I just lean back and rock with no end
    Screaming your name as loud as I can
    Climbing together to reach our goal
    Success finally here, but still we want more




    Submitted on 2005-09-08 13:50:00     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      a little greedy at the end.. and very graphic. don't get me wrong the sins of the flesh are my favorite ...uh...hobbie? anyways, i wished that you had left a little more to the imagination. i hope that maybe in the future exploring your vocabulary will come of use. i don't mean to sound so critical, but i'd like to see everyone push themselves linguistically. its was good, its just somewhere inside that it could have been better. but again, i thought it was good.
    | Posted on 2005-09-08 00:00:00 | by butterfly wings | [ Reply to This ]
      I enjoyed the erotica in this piece. I did find a few lines a bit awkward but you kept the message clear and made me want to read the whole work which doesn't always happen. If it didn't seem like such a personal piece I might make a few suggestions but I think you probably put a lot of yourself into it and I would more than likely just be wasting our time. It was fun reading, thanks! Dan
    | Posted on 2005-09-08 00:00:00 | by dmm | [ Reply to This ]
      oh i love the revision.. i like how you added more to the end.. it really helped to complete the piece from before.. rock on girl!!

    ~*~amber~*~
    | Posted on 2005-09-08 00:00:00 | by rocknpoetrychik | [ Reply to This ]
      Well someone is feeling rather frisky today lol sounds like myself on an average day ;)

    I enjoyed this journey through your erotic muse, there are some parts that just don't seem to work in perfectly but a few tweaks here and there and that should help it out.

    :)
    | Posted on 2005-09-08 00:00:00 | by Brownsdelight | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh wow.. i really loved this.. i wish you would have gone further.. it would have made this piece feel more complete.. the subject is much the same as my poem "The World Behing Glass" if you read it you will understand its meaning :) ... good work and apparently whoever he(or she depending on your sexual preference) is they were doing some good work too *wink, wink* hehe... thanks for sharing your moment
    ~*~amber~*~
    | Posted on 2005-09-08 00:00:00 | by rocknpoetrychik | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    73601

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry