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    dots Submission Name: Follows you Homedots

    Author: brokensmile
    Elite Ratio:    3.1 - 241/326/148
    Words: 118
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 913
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 871


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    dotsFollows you Homedots

    Never Learned My Name
    not speechless
    but without words
    you walk past
    half by sunlight
    more by night
    in the anger you carried
    red hot
    in the fears you left behind
    I'm the shadow
    that never goes away.

    behind what wasnt there
    in the corner of your mind
    at the chance of being true
    a glimmer
    a glance
    thats the best kind of sadness
    so let me be your sorrow
    and then i'll never go away.

    Lonely desperation
    remembering the forgotten
    spaces ache beside you
    from sunrise
    till sunset
    make me follow you home
    sticking to your steps
    rubbing between your fingers
    because im the shadow
    that never really goes away.

    Submitted on 2005-09-08 21:54:23     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
    girls have said this to me:'( i like the way you put it though...yours is not meant the same way and i LOVE it...so u get a 5
    | Posted on 2005-09-21 00:00:00 | by Seedofbayne | [ Reply to This ]
      Great poem Great use of imagry , and your metaphors were great also .I agree with Dawnyd it would also make a good song but my fav line was definatly :

    Never Learned My Name
    not speechless
    but without words
    you walk past
    half by sunlight
    more by night

    By the way i'm No talent check out some of my work sometime
    | Posted on 2005-09-09 00:00:00 | by No Talent | [ Reply to This ]
      So let me be your sorrow
    and then I'll never go away

    I really loved reading this. Your style of writing is different then most and I am impressed. Please keep it up and I'll keep reading.
    | Posted on 2005-09-09 00:00:00 | by Jessa | [ Reply to This ]
      I think this would make a great lyric. I think that it is good and it makes me feel kind of sad too. I guess that is the point. I can't think of anything negative to say about it. Maybe you can find someone to put some music to it. Good job, keep on writing. God Bless, Dawn
    | Posted on 2005-09-09 00:00:00 | by Dawnyd | [ Reply to This ]
      for some weird reason this poem reminds me of a song i was just listening to.. its very melancholy and i like that about it.
    it made me feel rather normal as im melancholy a bit myself. but as much as i should say something about how it can be improved i cant.. cuz im a newbie and dont know [censored].
    | Posted on 2005-09-08 00:00:00 | by ink_the_blood | [ Reply to This ]

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