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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Nirvanadots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: uncreaTED
    Elite Ratio:    4.86 - 58/69/24
    Words: 96
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 956
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 790



    Description:
       Peace on Earth is the greatest of all Treasures.

    Note: Thanx to the kind words of Icarus (see comment below) I have written this post encore. I truly appreciate and cherish such honest comments!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsNirvanadots
    -------------------------------------------


    Nirvana

    The glory of Heaven lies,
    behind her venerated Son.
    All live in a shangri-la of peace;
    but getting in, the price is steep.

    Back on Earth, some are angelic,
    though they possess no wings.
    They keep to the straight path,
    on Life's meandering road.

    Bliss is but an elusive dream,
    that eludes the consciousness.
    One actually is filled or more,
    only after the mind is drained.

    Emptying all temporal desire,
    Quenches any addictive thirst.
    When things are no longer cherished,
    fortuitously granted wishes pour in.




    Submitted on 2005-09-09 09:04:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Perfect write Ted, so glad I came to read this. This feels like nirvana, in as much as I've felt it at times. Just as smooth and devoid of friction. We hold onto what we feel in valuable to us and the fact you simply state.

    Giving up your need presents exactly
    what you have wished
    as such subtle conundrums guide our lives,
    being true to moving on
    gets us everything.

    but mostly, love in this moment
    Bravo, I'm going to save this one
    it's dear to my heart.
    peace and love,
    Nan
    | Posted on 2005-09-16 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      You've certainly breathed life into this, the language now has rhythm and the words have the poetic style to fit the meaning.

    I especially liked the lines

    "Emptying all temporal desire,
    Quenches any addictive thirst."

    It's easy to understand but still interesting to read thanks to the strength of the words used.

    And it's great to know that you found the comment helpful, it makes the time I spend commenting worthwhile.
    | Posted on 2005-09-11 00:00:00 | by Icarus | [ Reply to This ]
      It reads like it should appear in a beginners guide to inner peace pamphlet, neatly bullet pointed on the first page.

    And that's why I didn't like it.

    Though each idea was neatly expressed in each sentence it had no flow and therefore the poem as a whole just never got going, had no momentum to carry the reader through.

    Feel free to ignore what I thought of it, after all you're the one who has to like it, not me.
    | Posted on 2005-09-10 00:00:00 | by Icarus | [ Reply to This ]
      Well got to say love the picture. Poem, I like that its broken down, hate a long wack poems, also I admire your choice of words.
    It all falls in place nicely
    LoVeIt!
    | Posted on 2005-09-09 00:00:00 | by SingleRose | [ Reply to This ]


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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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