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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Ass to Ashdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Inducted_Kitty
    Elite Ratio:    4.27 - 309/427/118
    Words: 284
    Class/Type: Poetry/Comedy
    Total Views: 855
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1677



    Description:
       A bad husband deserves to get his in the end...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots Ass to Ashdots
    -------------------------------------------


    The funeral was over and cremation took place
    Before he was taken, she smiled down on his face
    They collected his ashes inside of an urn
    They got rid of the parts that were too hard to burn.

    She then took him home, and she sat on their deck
    She composed herself quickly, she had been such a wreck
    All his ashes she poured on the table outside
    And she thought of the day she became his new bride.

    Now, looking back over their marriage, she cried
    He had not been a good man, but still, he had died
    So, she thought she should only remember the good
    And forget all the bad, if only she could.

    She spoke to the ashes as though he were there
    She asked "Do you remember, do you even care?
    You promised to buy me a car and a ring
    But you never did give me a single damn thing!"

    She asked if these promises he did recall?
    No answer from him, just a dark, silent wall
    Then she asked if he thought of the promise she'd made
    To him, one dark night, as the light turned to shade.

    She said "Darling, I promised you something back when
    I intend to still honor that promise made then
    You wanted a blow job, and this you will get
    Here it comes, dear, I haven't fogotten you yet!"

    She blew all of his ashes into the still air
    Then she brushed out the ones that fell into her hair
    She decided to go on a huge shopping spree
    said "This insurance he left will be spent just on me!"








    Submitted on 2005-09-09 15:16:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      The rhyme scheme seemed overcooked and rather detracted from what this poem really could be. The story itself though was pretty entertaining to say the very least. I just didn't see the need for it to be a poem, it would have been better off as a well told campfire story

    -ishoes
    | Posted on 2005-09-18 00:00:00 | by iShoes | [ Reply to This ]
      lol...i loved it. phew...this is hillarious, truly a classic. oh wow! funny indeed.

    [clearing my throat]

    okay. one thing i must say, a woman always keeps her promise and the lady in here, yeah she kept hers. then to go on a shopping spree that was...lol. what can i say besides that its funny. nice write

    later days
    tracey
    | Posted on 2005-09-11 00:00:00 | by fiery_eyes | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh i love this. You had me all upset and thinking this would be something sad then in the next stanza i was laughing so hard my husband left the football game to make sure i was ok. This is great and its certainly goig on my favorites list for when ever i need a good laugh.
    | Posted on 2005-09-11 00:00:00 | by WandWielder | [ Reply to This ]
      AWESOME!
    I loved this piece so much, you have no idea. I was wondering where the comedy was a first, but when I got to the blow job...I dang near reached tears! Oh my goodness, I was laughing so hard and I totally applaud you for this write! You really through me for a loop and I absolutely loved it! GREAT job!
    Candi
    | Posted on 2005-09-11 00:00:00 | by dreamweaver | [ Reply to This ]
      Right on! This was really good. The way it was written was a little odd. . .

    if she only could

    This would be earier to read if it said "if only she could. . ."

    as the lights they did fade.

    This would be easier to read if it said "as the lights begin to fade" or something like that.

    that promise made then

    This would be easier to read as "that promise I made. . ."

    Those things made me stumble through it. Otherwise the word chose and the way you told this story and the comical yet sad ending was perfect. I liked it. You don't have to change those things. . .you may like it just the way it is. . .but it's just a suggestion.
    | Posted on 2005-09-09 00:00:00 | by Raineyes | [ Reply to This ]


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    73745

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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