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    dots Submission Name: So Far From Homedots

    Author: dreamweaver
    ASL Info:    28/f/WI
    Elite Ratio:    7.22 - 1022/443/42
    Words: 142
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 1071
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 988

       I'm just tired of fighting the same fight over and over. I never thought that my marriage would be like this.

    He's a great guy with an amazing heart. I wasn't ready for what I signed up for when we got married almost 5 years ago. There really is no need to bash him.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSo Far From Homedots

    The tension so thick,
    heavy with anger.
    Words that cut like a knife,
    can't begin to slice through this suffocating air.

    Looking across the room,
    my eyes meet your gaze.
    The soft green eyes that used to penetrate
    straight to my core,
    have now become so distant-
    frigid with hate.

    Desperately I search for something,
    anything that will show some sign of warmth within.

    This house is so far from home.
    You were my world,
    my reason for being.
    Now I sit alone with you,
    nothing left to have or hold.

    Slowly this life is turning into an everlasting masquerade,
    only hiding the pain on the surface.
    Underneath the scars are deep-
    unforgiving, refusing to fade.

    Unable to pretend any longer,
    perfection and honesty dissipates-
    leaving me in the company of the comforting embrace of misery.

    Submitted on 2005-09-10 00:50:39     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Firstly I must congratulate you on the fact that you are the person to receive my 200th comment. Now that is out of the way its time to move on to the poem.

    Hmmm... must commend you that you have much courage to write on such a personal topic.
    I won't bash your husband because I'm not fully aware of the situation but from this poem I am somewhat clear of your point of view and your feelings. Despite the issue you did a very good job writing this, you conveyed you feelings and emotions well, I was able to experience what you wrote on a more intimate level.

    I hope that one day you and your husband can work out your diffierences or whatever your problems might be and one day be a real and loving couple once again. Keep up the good work and have a blessed and wonderful day. And thanks so much for sharing I know it was a very personal write.
    | Posted on 2006-04-10 00:00:00 | by Departed One | [ Reply to This ]
      You did a good job of expressing yourself here. This is a sad piece and it did make me feel sad. It's horrid when love turns to emptiness. I hope you're alright.
    | Posted on 2006-01-25 00:00:00 | by Raindrops | [ Reply to This ]
      this is very sad and heart-breaking. when a love once so true falters, it cuts right to the core. you've expressed yourself well and i imagine it must have been difficult to write about these things. i hope that you can find strength to do whatever it is you need to do for yourself in order to heal. i'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

    stay golden,
    | Posted on 2005-09-13 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      Candi, it's hard to comment on a poem like this, such hearetfelt emotions pouring out through your pen, and a situation a lot can identify with.

    So I have no literary advice, except to keep writing about it, as in your description I did glimpse a glimmer of hope...

    Well done, hang in there,

    Be happy

    | Posted on 2005-09-10 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]

    st1 I feel the stressed feeling and understand the cutting words while at the same time a stressed situation of the not being able to slice through the air. <<would suggest using and “I” before “can’t” just a minor suggestion some might say otherwise>>

    st2 sad, the looking in the eyes that use to penetrate makes one warm and fuzzy changes to the eyes of frigidness and hate.

    st3 I connect to that searching for something anything for a sign of warmth that is a heartbreaking feeling. I like how you separated that from the rest of the write.

    st4 The house and home analogy, I think is rather brilliant the house being a place/object while the home being a place that one belongs too a warmer feeling that invokes happiness however here it does not but tends to be grief and feeling of love lost. the statement that the person was anything and everything is heart wrenching given the circumstances. I like the wedding vow phrase put in “have and hold” that does give it a nice touch.

    st5 the masquerade is well felt the hiding behind false smiles or saying everything is “fine” when it is not I can really connect with that Candi. the scars that wont go away constant reminders of what has happened. the “only” trips me up slightly in the 2nd line but that may be my own ignorance.

    st6 the not being able to pretend any longer could be a start on the road to happiness and I will tell you why:::: you are beginning to “see” the situation for what it is and next you will have to take an analysis both within and the situation around you then come up with a solution to the problem. the comfort of misery is a brilliant line I commend you for that even though it is total despair.

    overall:: I want to extend my warmest thoughts for you and your tribulations. I hope you find or have changes come about in the love that you so desperately seek. I think the write is excellent save for a few minor changes that aside though I hope you have better days Candi.

    | Posted on 2005-09-10 00:00:00 | by inspirit999 | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a very strong poem! Very well written and expressed with lots of emotion! You have done a great job writing this one and I know exactly how you feel. So many different emotions and feelings all at once! Sadness, anger, lonliness, despair, disbelief, doubt, and just that lost feeling that you cant escape. It is so heartbreaking when this distant grows between you and the man you love. It feels like you are powerless to what is happening and nothing said or done makes any difference. Sometimes I think that maybe we just weren't meant to be with the same person for our entire life. I dont know. But to be married and go through this must be awful. I have never been married and this poem is really basically why. I just feel like no matter how much you love someone, time changes things, and familiarity sets in and then the drifting starts. He starts showing his true side...you know...the one he hid so well at first but now he found that comfortable level and it all starts to show. I just dont think I have enough faith in relationships to ever truly believe it will last forever. Wow! I guess I ranted there. OK...back to the poem! Very nicely written! You express you feelings very well, clear and concise! Another great poem Candi, a very sad one but a very good one! Take care!

    | Posted on 2005-09-10 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      a very emotional write Candi.I understand this write perfectly (i think lol)when two people become strangers under the same roof everything becomes awkward and strained even normal everyday chores and the longer its left unattended the thicker this air of suffocation grows until finalyy something has to give.Communication is the key,thoughts of anger,frustration,and hurt are so easily bottled up but they reach a point where you have to sit down and let them out.You have managed to do that very well here,
    This house is so far from home.
    You were my world,
    my reason for being.
    Now I sit alone with you,
    nothing left to have or hold
    this stanza i feel is the most powerful.It tells the reader exactly what you are going through and the intensity of your feelings.You might try going somewhere else,a meal ,restaraunt and talk to each other in a different place.Sounds silly i know but sometimes a neutral enviroment for both of you will allow you both to put your thoughts and feelings on the table.I hope you work things out and everything turns out ok.Aside from how sad this write is it is superbly written.You have a natural talent for conveying thoughts and feelings to people in words
    i wish you peace and happiness
    | Posted on 2005-09-10 00:00:00 | by gd66uk | [ Reply to This ]
    On the whole - and excellent piece. Your word choices are very fitting and the sentiment is clear. Your writing is a reflection of what goes on in your life...the inspiration is clear, yet sad.
    Very well done
    | Posted on 2005-09-10 00:00:00 | by ravenwolf68 | [ Reply to This ]

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