Description: This was just a poem I wrote after being inspired to do so.
My Muse, My Myth -------------------------------------------
Touching me with her words
I have to take a breath
this exhilarating feeling, please don't let it end
a myth to me, someone so angelic
she dwells within the confines of my being
keeping me captive to her whim
She'll never know to what depths she's submerged inside
Just to know her fills the void
To taste her would be heavenly
to know her inside...blissful
Dare I dream these dreams?
Will fate have it's dance upon my heart?
I live in her words
She lives in my viens
A dreamy life force pushing me to be.....
I like the heart and feel of this poem, but I think some of the wording or phrases could be revised to make the piece more "fresh" I like "Will fate have it's dance upon my heart?" and "I live in her words She lives in my viens" I don't really like the word "dreamy" in the last line, but I like what you've done with the line. I'd love to see a revised version, but I enjoyed the read. Nice write! Nicely
I agree it is a beautiful longing poem. The emotions you expressed are totally consuming, I feel completely drawn in. But I think that this two lines “Dare I dream these dreams? Will fate have it's dance upon my heart?” are not really necessary. They disturb the tone of your poem, which is pure longing (and you absolutely have no doubts about your feelings). But still, this is a beautiful poem. I enjoyed reading it.
Very nice work. The way you expressed your muse and yourself was wonderful. That longing for the inspiration - to hold them, be in them - inspired... This is some serious longing - tell them, sometimes that's all it takes for fate to step in...sometimes you have to lead fate to the door and open it...for the other person to get the idea...I really liked this and look forward to more... Lisa
i liked this a lot. it was a nice read. it flowed really well, and i felt you expressed yourself very tastefully. the imagery was refreshing, too. it wasnt cliché'd and it was truly yours. like southrn said...you only live once. make it count.
I think this is one of the best 'longing' poems I've read, although there are many talented people here, and I've seen many excellent poems.
You expressed yourself perfectly here, and I really love it. Whoever you're talking about, maybe you should tell her how you feel if she dosen't know already? You only live once, be you, be strong, and keep writing. Beautiful write, and I think this is going into my favorites!
This is lovely and touching. You paint a very pretty picture of longing for someone. I especially like the line, "She lives in my veins." This is a way that I have honestly never thought of expressing my infatuation with another person. Great job!