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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: My Muse, My Mythdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Greyson
    ASL Info:    26/M/USA
    Elite Ratio:    5.18 - 28/26/6
    Words: 100
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 1111
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 651



    Description:
        This was just a poem I wrote after being inspired to do so.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMy Muse, My Mythdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Touching me with her words
    I have to take a breath
    this exhilarating feeling, please don't let it end
    a myth to me, someone so angelic
    she dwells within the confines of my being
    keeping me captive to her whim

    She'll never know to what depths she's submerged inside
    Just to know her fills the void
    To taste her would be heavenly
    to know her inside...blissful

    Dare I dream these dreams?
    Will fate have it's dance upon my heart?

    I live in her words
    She lives in my viens
    A dreamy life force pushing me to be.....




    Submitted on 2005-09-10 07:43:52     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I like the heart and feel of this poem,
    but I think some of the wording or phrases could be revised to make the piece more "fresh"
    I like "Will fate have it's dance upon my heart?"
    and "I live in her words
    She lives in my viens"
    I don't really like the word "dreamy" in the last line, but I like what you've done with the line.
    I'd love to see a revised version,
    but I enjoyed the read.
    Nice write!
    Nicely
    | Posted on 2006-01-31 00:00:00 | by nicelyJ | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree it is a beautiful longing poem. The emotions you expressed are totally consuming, I feel completely drawn in. But I think that this two lines “Dare I dream these dreams?
    Will fate have it's dance upon my heart?” are not really necessary. They disturb the tone of your poem, which is pure longing (and you absolutely have no doubts about your feelings).
    But still, this is a beautiful poem. I enjoyed reading it.
    | Posted on 2005-10-12 00:00:00 | by Poly Jean | [ Reply to This ]
      Very nice work. The way you expressed your muse and yourself was wonderful. That longing for the inspiration - to hold them, be in them - inspired...
    This is some serious longing - tell them, sometimes that's all it takes for fate to step in...sometimes you have to lead fate to the door and open it...for the other person to get the idea...I really liked this and look forward to more...
    Lisa
    | Posted on 2005-09-12 00:00:00 | by ravenwolf68 | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey, nice poem.

    "Longing" is certainly the correct description, you almost personify true love with your words here, although it could have a few interpretations.

    A wistful, happy/sad look at love and inspiration, I really liked it lots!

    be Happy

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-09-10 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      i liked this a lot. it was a nice read. it flowed really well, and i felt you expressed yourself very tastefully. the imagery was refreshing, too. it wasnt cliché'd and it was truly yours. like southrn said...you only live once. make it count.
    | Posted on 2005-09-10 00:00:00 | by brokenroses | [ Reply to This ]
      I think this is one of the best 'longing' poems I've read, although there are many talented people here, and I've seen many excellent poems.

    You expressed yourself perfectly here, and I really love it. Whoever you're talking about, maybe you should tell her how you feel if she dosen't know already? You only live once, be you, be strong, and keep writing. Beautiful write, and I think this is going into my favorites!

    *hugs a plenty*
    Avry
    | Posted on 2005-09-10 00:00:00 | by SouthrnQT | [ Reply to This ]
      This is lovely and touching. You paint a very pretty picture of longing for someone. I especially like the line, "She lives in my veins." This is a way that I have honestly never thought of expressing my infatuation with another person. Great job!
    | Posted on 2005-09-10 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]


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