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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Land of the Freedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Raivn
    ASL Info:    33/f/al
    Elite Ratio:    4.28 - 1222/916/231
    Words: 201
    Class/Type: Poetry/Comedy
    Total Views: 509
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1320



    Description:
       This is a little different from what I usually post. I just started thinking about how ridiculous it is that we have to pay for air.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLand of the Freedots
    -------------------------------------------


    I'm aimlessly cruising down the road.
    My tire seems to be a bit low.
    With not much of anything in sight,
    I have to find some place to go.
    Searching for a gas station...
    Oh, there's one over there!
    I pull into the parking lot.
    Gee, I hope that they have air.
    Thankfully, they do,
    In a shiny container without a single dent.
    There's a sign on my possible salvation,
    Proclaiming, "Air, 75 cents."
    My mouth drops open in surprise.
    I feel like pulling out my hair.
    What is this world coming to,
    When you have to pay for air?
    It's almost as if you have to pay to breathe,
    In the "land of the free."
    How's a person to survive,
    When they're as broke as me?
    Seventy-five cents for air,
    Over three dollars a gallon for gas.
    What happened to our economy?
    The government needs a kick in the ass!
    Instead of buying gold toilet seats,
    And financing wars waaaay over there,
    Maybe the president should figure out
    A way to provide free air.
    My tire goes flat as I search
    For someone to hear my voice.
    Sighing, I put three quarters in.
    It's not like I have a choice.




    Submitted on 2005-09-10 10:02:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      See now this is what I am talkin about...this is SO GOOD and it is smart and it has well thought out ideas and it is serious and comical and I really think that this is where you have the most talent...I am soo happy that this wasn't about Tony...so thankful...
    love
    JAzmine
    | Posted on 2005-09-16 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      I'll have to scrounge under my couch cushions and keep some free change in the center console! I hear what you're saying on this and I totally agree with you. Pretty soon we WILL have to pay to breathe, although I think we already are...is there a tax for that?! Ha Ha
    Either way, everything is very nicely put in yet another great write!
    Candi
    | Posted on 2005-09-12 00:00:00 | by dreamweaver | [ Reply to This ]
      Actually I have to disagree with the goverment point of this whole thing... and the air thing... getting compressed air into a can takes money... and the United States spend 1.5 billion more on clothes than what any other country spend on everything that they import so thats not the reason... and now with hurricane katrina hitting the gas did rise faster than expected but yeah sorry thats just my view... overall it was a great piece and i ultimately agree with it but i just had to make those points visible
    | Posted on 2005-09-10 00:00:00 | by josymanthegreat | [ Reply to This ]
      Ha ha! (again) This is excellent! I can hardly believe it...we haven't come to that yet, but now that I know it's happening, I know it will happen over here!

    Very nicely put, slightly tongue-in-cheekish, with the underlying message of "what next"

    An excellent piece, well done!

    Be Happy

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-09-10 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, the truth is finally revealed. What a great way to put it. This basically explains the government: ruins economy, charges for basic tasks, and wastes even more money on war. Great work. But grammar-wise maybe add some stanza's after some points like 'searching for a gas station...' and maybe 'Air, 75 cents' in my opinion, it might just make it seem a little shorter and the readers will want to read it.
    Peace,
    TK
    | Posted on 2005-09-10 00:00:00 | by ThomasKane | [ Reply to This ]
      Very Kool. You are so right about this goverment of ours. I always wondered how it would be if some average joe like us would handle this country of ours. There is no common sense left to speak of. Any hows I enjoyed reading this write of yours.
    | Posted on 2005-09-10 00:00:00 | by Poetic Cure | [ Reply to This ]


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