the heart has no retina
nor an ear a taste bud
listen to the fragrant aroma
in the texture of coffee perking
feel the flavor of peach fuzz
to gauge ripeness of the harvest
pound the drums of the ear
to tune olfactory awareness
Hey Ted, I just read quite a long poem by someone else and spent a fair while working through it. It's funny cause I swear I spent just as much time reading "reality" :)
I think I wanted to go down two different paths with "reality". It was the first line that made me want to do that - or perhaps just the word "heart" and later "to gauge ripeness of the harvest" - they made me want to read a relationship/love element into the poem, but I don't think (??) that was your intent. Anyway, if it wasn't, perhaps another word for "heart" might help?? something with a more "mind/brain" feel to it? (clumsy explanation, I know - sorry.) I'm not sure though.
Anyway, I liked "reality". Once I got past reading/analysing it line by line (a mistake, I think, with this poem), I took a more holistic approach and my reaction was "yeah, I get it now" (at least I hope I do).
In fact, when I read it as a whole, I was reminded of how blindness often results in the enhanced use of other senses. I guess what I am saying I got from "reality" is that sometimes we use our senses in isolation or for whatever purpose suits us at that time/standing in life (do we sense the truth? don't worry, I won't go into my old discourse on "objective truths" haha). We end up with a one-dimensional, subjective view. How things might seem/be different for us if we feel the flavour of peach fuzz?
My only other comments is perhaps that I wanted a little punctuation - actually even just one comma in the second line. Also, I didn't really get "in the texture of coffee perking". I mean, I understood the general impression, but I wasn't sure if you meant "perking" as in the perculator action or the biological effect. Just curious ;)
That aside, you brought it all home nicely in your last 2 lines, weaving in the message of the earlier lines. As I said, I liked this - I might try to listen more carefully for aromas :) Cheers, ~TD
wow, this piece is short and wierd, but in a good way, it's different, and it's definitly original, i didn't understand but after the second line I sed ok, you have to look beyond the words - hello - it's called reading inbetween the lines- dah!
but I like it, it's obsequious and differential, it's kewl actually, not many write about this sort of stuff!