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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Did you do this?dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Hidden_depths
    ASL Info:    20/F/England
    Elite Ratio:    3.87 - 37/34/11
    Words: 100
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 222
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 685



    Description:
       Random, Just experimenting with my writes.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDid you do this?dots
    -------------------------------------------


    I'm not sure.
    Is it too late?
    Did the feeling die and leave, overnight?

    I woke this morning.
    Things arent right.
    I feel kind of hollow, empty inside.

    It hurt yesterday.
    The self defenses went up.
    But this is different altogether,numbed to the core.

    This isn't right.
    Deadness centred.
    Has is dissapated or just gaming to hide?

    Did you do this?
    Was it one step too far?
    Have you killed me inside, stoned my soul?

    So is it too late?
    Is there still something there?
    Help me a bit, please, because now I'm not sure.




    Submitted on 2005-09-11 05:38:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is a deep write
    I may be wrong but I believe you were writing this to someone who has hurt you in life
    This may also be construed as a poem to God
    Where you are reaching out to Him asking Him for Help
    I enjoyed reading this
    Thasnk You for commenting on my Most recent Post
    I very much appreciate it
    I will be looking for more of your writes
    God Bless
    Your Frind
    Ron
    | Posted on 2005-12-21 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice idea to have three line verses although some worked better than others. The last line lets it down with the use of the words "Help me a bit..." maybe just "Help me please.." or "Help me.." would have been in keeping with the rest of the poem. I liked how you have wrote "Deadness centred" alone without the word 'the' or 'is' or anything like that. Hope I'm not being too critical 'cos i do like it.
    | Posted on 2005-09-11 00:00:00 | by hellyeah | [ Reply to This ]



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    January 10 07
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