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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Just Call Me Your Lil Angeldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: withouthope
    ASL Info:    17 female
    Elite Ratio:    3.45 - 138/183/52
    Words: 102
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 214
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 627



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsJust Call Me Your Lil Angeldots
    -------------------------------------------


    Just call me your lil angel
    all bathed in crimson red
    with wings that fly no more
    and a heart that's full of dread

    just call me your lil angel
    for i watch over you
    remember all the pain you know
    and know who exposed it to you

    just call me your lil angel
    whose face is filled with scorn
    my naked body exposed to all
    and wrapped in painful thorns

    just call me your lil angel
    however there's a secret i can tell
    i no longer come from heaven
    im the lil angel from hell






    Submitted on 2005-09-11 08:33:43     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Very thought provoking. I'd definitely have second thoughts about calling you my lil angel. Then again, maybe not. If it wasn't for the whole age thing that is. Anyway, back to your poem. I really loved the descriptions and the flow of this poem. I think I'm goona have to check out some more of your work if they are at all like this one. Great poem. Keep on writing and I'll keep on reading.
    | Posted on 2006-03-13 00:00:00 | by lostpoet25 | [ Reply to This ]
      This was an interesting write. It had good rhythm and everything fit together well. One suggestion I would make, is to either have all "little" or "lil". Because you have "lil" in the first sentence of each stanza, then in the last stanza, in the last line, you have "little". I think this poem would be better if you used one. A better suggestion I think, would be to take out all of the "lil"'s, and just leave the little in the last line of the last stanza. I have a suggestion for the title of this poem. You could call it "Just Call Me Your Angel" (if you take out the lil's) or "Your Lil Angel" (if you must). Other than that, interesting write, but it could be improved.
    ~Kriss
    | Posted on 2005-09-11 00:00:00 | by juss_kriss | [ Reply to This ]



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    January 10 07
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