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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Breakdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: acapone
    ASL Info:    32mnh
    Elite Ratio:    1.87 - 24/25/10
    Words: 56
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 930
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 341



    Description:
       What are you looking for in terms of feedback? Any background information behind the piece? Hints? Is this just to vent? Emotional state while writing?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBreakdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I can not rise above my anger.
    Forever held back leaving my soul to linger.
    I will not release my pain.
    So many tears filling the skies like rain.
    An eternity lost inside my fears.
    I stumble unaware.
    If I loose my soul I shall never know
    where life could have lead me.






    Submitted on 2005-09-11 09:17:39     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i like it, it was short and straight to the point which makes it very awesome... i can really sense your feelings within the poem.
    | Posted on 2005-09-11 00:00:00 | by unnatainable | [ Reply to This ]
      great flow . Like the ryhming . Good job you are a uique writer . you feel sad and that is how I feel when i read the poem ...


    goodjob
    | Posted on 2005-09-11 00:00:00 | by IndependentGirl | [ Reply to This ]
      im guessing that this is alot of venting.
    it was good as far as the emotion goes.
    i could feel it.

    'An eternity lost inside my fears.
    I stumble unaware.
    If I loose my soul I shall never know
    where life could have lead me.'

    i really liked the end the best.. i think i could relate to it more.
    though i think you might want to branch out and do a little more work on it.
    the way that it starts out in a rhyme and then wasnt one anymore kinda threw me off at first but reading a few more times i liked it more.

    it was short, but it really seemed to hold alot for you as far as your feelings.
    i think this was a well done, though you might of been able to do better but so can we all.
    i hope to read more from you-
    jennifer
    | Posted on 2005-09-11 00:00:00 | by joy7542 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    73920

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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