Unheard by Von Django

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Submission Name: Unheard dots

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Author:	Von Django
ASL Info:	32/M/UK
Elite Ratio:	3.79 - 119/148/32
Words:	64

Class/Type:	Poetry/Sorry
Total Views:	292
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	419

Description:
Havent posted in too long - any thoughts welcome.

Unheard

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Twitching in the corner
What did that smile mean?
Tracing the pain in your eyes
Tasting the bitter in your lips
Your heart will grow back
It wont beat like before
Words slip through our fingers
Not so beautiful anymore
Everything I meant to say
(All these apologies in silence)
Dont make the hurt go away

Over and over and over again

Submitted on 2005-09-11 12:07:30 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  I really like this poem. I do have to say that it is diffent bt in what way I can not figre out yet. But I do like it a lot. It has meaning to it almost hidden if you read it enogh times. Good Job!~~Donna~~
| Posted on 2005-11-08 00:00:00 | by ThatWasOnceMe | [ Reply to This ]
  I like how it seemed realistic. The first few lines almost come off as a person thinking to himself out loud, which works really well for this style of poem. You ended it rather well too. You could work on the body of it a little, and maybe lengthen it a bit, other than that, I really enjoyed this poem.
| Posted on 2005-09-24 00:00:00 | by ParanoidParadox | [ Reply to This ]
  i really liked this alot.
it had alot of emotion. your imaginary was great.
i could see it, you were painting the picture for me.

'Twitching in the corner
What did that smile mean?
Tracing the pain in your eyes
Tasting the bitter in your lips'

the begining really set the mood i think.
i really liked it, it drew me into what you were going to say.
and of course the end was great.
today i have read alot of perfect endings and yours just adds to it.
i love the subject.
great job on this, very powerful
~jennifer
| Posted on 2005-09-20 00:00:00 | by joy7542 | [ Reply to This ]
  oh my god. that was so....awesome! you are so good for an 18 year old. I loved it. The flow was so smooth, and your description was just incredible. The emotion was the best though. it made me feel sad and hopeless and love and despair and hate and just....wow. to put so many emotions in that short amount of words is almost impossible. and it was awesome, to boot. im only 13, so i have incredibly [censored]ty writing. ha. but my favorite part was

Words slip through our fingers
Not so beautiful anymore
Everything I meant to say
(All these apologies in silence)
Dont make the hurt go away

Over and over and over again

take care
-nirvana
| Posted on 2005-09-11 00:00:00 | by Nirvana | [ Reply to This ]
  very nice. the flow is great and your word choices wonderful.

'Words slipping through our fingers'
I would change to 'words slip through our fingers'

perfect ending--

Everything I meant to say
(All these apologies in silence)
Dont make the hurt go away
| Posted on 2005-09-11 00:00:00 | by sierramuse8 | [ Reply to This ]

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