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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Crippled Sleeperdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Von Django
    ASL Info:    32/M/UK
    Elite Ratio:    3.79 - 119/148/32
    Words: 67
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 316
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 498



    Description:
       Hope you enjoy...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCrippled Sleeperdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Craving meat, tense relax
    Something warm to smooth the cracks
    Lies over coffee
    Come back to bed

    Hollow husk hold me
    Hold me while
    Soft sunrise burns to dusk
    Drifting daysleeper
    Promise the husk
    When this body gets weaker
    Promise it lust
    Because silence slices deeper
    Curled up over coffee
    Because I'm a crippled sleeper
    Without your bittersweet body
    Sinking back into me




    Submitted on 2005-09-11 12:28:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is a very good poem. I found it very sexy and the longing here is well described with some very original expression. I like the originality of this piece and think it is very well written. You have no trouble getting your message across here and you have maintained a fresh new idea throughout with your words. Sleeping alone is very lonely indeed. Spending from sunrise to dusk in bed next to someone you care about is certainly a wonderful way to spend the day and I can see how this thought alone could inspire a feeling of longing when this person is not there. Very well written and expressed. Take care.

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-11-10 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice. Very nice. What I got from it was someone is without their "other," and seems to miss them, but at the same time it gives the impression of the two not being completely happy. Perhaps I'm completely off.

    "Silence slices deeper
    Curled over a coffee cup"

    Amazing two lines, I thought. And I would agree, silence, to me, cuts deeper than spoken words. And drinking coffee while its happening seems to depress me more.
    Anyways, an amazing write. Keep it up.
    | Posted on 2005-10-06 00:00:00 | by Dipsomniac | [ Reply to This ]
      At first I was squinting at the poem because I had no clue what was going on, but as I read further, I said, "OH! I get it now..."

    Except for the brief confusion I had in the beginning, well done, I shall say!
    | Posted on 2005-09-25 00:00:00 | by Ta-hala | [ Reply to This ]
      this one was really cool also. no one really likes to sleep alone. and sometimes a husk will do. but not for long. sooner or later, one must have a living breathing flesh to hold onto. but a very good poem just the same!
    | Posted on 2005-09-19 00:00:00 | by sierramuse8 | [ Reply to This ]
      wow that is a new one for me...
    I am not sure what is't about...
    I think lonely drug addict but i have a mind like that..
    I don't even really care about the exact frame of refernce because i have read it now 6 times in as many minutes and keep finding something new each time as well as am enjoy the images it projects and the fun of guessing and /or imaging what the scene is that you were thinking about..
    I love it..
    Not sure that most will though... It seems to me that most readers will want more of an outline.. But I don't care what they like and i hope you don't either.
    nik
    | Posted on 2005-09-14 00:00:00 | by k.o.malley | [ Reply to This ]
      Mmmm I'm not quite sure what to say on this one to be honest. It kind of seemed to be about different things. Thats why I like it when people usually tell us in their descriptions what their writes are about. I'm also now quite sure how the title comes in here either. But anyways this looked interesting.

    Brenna
    | Posted on 2005-09-11 00:00:00 | by Day DreaMeR | [ Reply to This ]



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