but by Drea

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Submission Name: but dots

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Author:	Drea
ASL Info:	18/f/nowhere
Elite Ratio:	3.79 - 289/142/53
Words:	104

Class/Type:	Misc/Misc
Total Views:	728
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	496

Description:
I dont know what this is. I think it's more of a journal. I dont know I felt really sad today. I dont think it makes sense in anyones world but mines. Oh well, none of my others make sense either.

but

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I want to cry but my pride wont let me. I want to talk, but I have no one to listen. I want to scream, but it wont help. I want to tell them, but I dont want to sound like a bitch. I want to sleep, but everytime I close my eyes unwanted thought rush in. I want you to know what I'm thinking without saying it, but you couldnt careless what im thinking at all. I want you to see through my smile, but you have other worries. I want to be happy, but without my sadness; there is no such thing.

Submitted on 2005-09-12 06:10:34 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  I liked this one too...it displayed a sort of helplessness...it sounded like it was mabey derived form a a guy that you seem to like a lot but you feel that he just isn't too into the relationship...
I can relate to this all too well...I seem to have a nack for finding guys like this...
I liked this...

jessie thomas
| Posted on 2005-11-18 00:00:00 | by jessie thomas | [ Reply to This ]
  This poem really reflected emotions that we all feel everyday. I think you should change the format, though. Rather than writing it in a paragraph form. And the poem kind of changes at the end which I feel kind of distracts from the flow.
I loved this part: " I want you to see through my smile, but you have other worries..." I've felt the very same way so many times.
| Posted on 2005-09-13 00:00:00 | by Amanda Bee | [ Reply to This ]
  Indeed- a journal type thing entry, but you can so easily turn thys into much more... It would be worth it too- if I may suggest? :

"I want to cry
-but my pride wont let me
I want to talk
-but have no one to listen
I want to scream
-but it will not help
I want to tell them
-without sounding like a [censored]
I want to sleep
-but every-time I close my eyes

unwanted thought rush in

I want you to know what I'm thinking without saying it
But you couldn't care less about what I'm thinking at all
I want you to see through my smile
But you have other worries- so many other worries

I want to be happy but without my sadness; there is no such thing..."

That works- in my opinion (I kno that's not worth much but...) lolful! Nice write, either way. Peace, love and cannibal cans-
~6~
| Posted on 2005-09-12 00:00:00 | by Six_Grey | [ Reply to This ]
  I can totally relate to this. Very well written. I think that this can be called a poem. I would think you could also call it a lyric. Great job! God Bless, Dawn
| Posted on 2005-09-12 00:00:00 | by Dawnyd | [ Reply to This ]
  this is really good!i feel like this everyday u want to smile and not be all sad and have ur friends constantly asking wats wrong and u wanna talk but u dont noe who u can trust! i think this is a poem but it could also be a journal if u wanted it to be! this is also going on my favorites!
~akaila evonne~
| Posted on 2005-09-12 00:00:00 | by iluvpoetry_1 | [ Reply to This ]

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Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3 It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.