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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: butdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Drea
    ASL Info:    18/f/nowhere
    Elite Ratio:    3.79 - 289/142/53
    Words: 104
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 728
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 496



    Description:
       I dont know what this is. I think it's more of a journal. I dont know I felt really sad today. I dont think it makes sense in anyones world but mines. Oh well, none of my others make sense either.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsbutdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I want to cry but my pride wont let me. I want to talk, but I have no one to listen. I want to scream, but it wont help. I want to tell them, but I dont want to sound like a bitch. I want to sleep, but everytime I close my eyes unwanted thought rush in. I want you to know what I'm thinking without saying it, but you couldnt careless what im thinking at all. I want you to see through my smile, but you have other worries. I want to be happy, but without my sadness; there is no such thing.




    Submitted on 2005-09-12 06:10:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I liked this one too...it displayed a sort of helplessness...it sounded like it was mabey derived form a a guy that you seem to like a lot but you feel that he just isn't too into the relationship...
    I can relate to this all too well...I seem to have a nack for finding guys like this...
    I liked this...

    jessie thomas
    | Posted on 2005-11-18 00:00:00 | by jessie thomas | [ Reply to This ]
      This poem really reflected emotions that we all feel everyday. I think you should change the format, though. Rather than writing it in a paragraph form. And the poem kind of changes at the end which I feel kind of distracts from the flow.
    I loved this part: " I want you to see through my smile, but you have other worries..." I've felt the very same way so many times.
    | Posted on 2005-09-13 00:00:00 | by Amanda Bee | [ Reply to This ]
      Indeed- a journal type thing entry, but you can so easily turn thys into much more... It would be worth it too- if I may suggest? :

    "I want to cry
    -but my pride wont let me
    I want to talk
    -but have no one to listen
    I want to scream
    -but it will not help
    I want to tell them
    -without sounding like a [censored]
    I want to sleep
    -but every-time I close my eyes

    unwanted thought rush in

    I want you to know what I'm thinking without saying it
    But you couldn't care less about what I'm thinking at all
    I want you to see through my smile
    But you have other worries- so many other worries

    I want to be happy but without my sadness; there is no such thing..."



    That works- in my opinion (I kno that's not worth much but...) lolful! Nice write, either way. Peace, love and cannibal cans-
    ~6~
    | Posted on 2005-09-12 00:00:00 | by Six_Grey | [ Reply to This ]
      I can totally relate to this. Very well written. I think that this can be called a poem. I would think you could also call it a lyric. Great job! God Bless, Dawn
    | Posted on 2005-09-12 00:00:00 | by Dawnyd | [ Reply to This ]
      this is really good!i feel like this everyday u want to smile and not be all sad and have ur friends constantly asking wats wrong and u wanna talk but u dont noe who u can trust! i think this is a poem but it could also be a journal if u wanted it to be! this is also going on my favorites!
    ~akaila evonne~
    | Posted on 2005-09-12 00:00:00 | by iluvpoetry_1 | [ Reply to This ]


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