I agree, this poem could be taken both ways... suicidal as you said, or just plain pissed off with another person. I prefer the second option... it seems more like a dismissal, a nicely worded f.uck off to whoever is pissing you off right now.
You know I could bash it if I wanted. In fact, I'm gonna have a go right now. YES. RIGHT NOW.
This was goddam awful. Just ridiculous. I don't know what the hell was going through your head when you were writing this. Are you insane? What the hell is wrong with you?!
HAHAHAHA!!! I'm kidding ok? I really am! I can find nothing to bash here. I just thought I would humour myself and try to bash something. But I've found I'm really bad at that so I'll just stick to constructive criticism hahahah!
You know you could break up your last line into a three line stanza, just to make it all even? But that's just me... something like....
Do you have the courage to end it all?
... Ya know? Something like that. But that's just a minor nitpick. Nothing major.
Well, that's it from me. This comment of mine was really crappy. Please forgive me. I tried my best lol. Peace, Jase
you know... while this could be taken as suicidal it is possible to be taken another way...
sure living breathing bring is a waste of time and the challenge to end it all would point to death the death could infact be of the life you are living but not physically... gosh im not being very straight here ummm...
to end it all could mean FIND some meaning... a reason to breathe and be... that would be an end to meaninglessness if you think about it...
the write itself is pretty amateur... i think it would be possible to ponder such ideas but present them differently and yet the short and stright to the point approach of this means it is impossible to mistake your intentions (even though i almost sound like am with my alternative meaning of ending it all...)
i just gotta say though... that your "waste of bravery" interests me... i remember when i was really suicidal and unwell and a boy i grew up with ended his life and i remember thinking how brave he was... that he had done what i was too scared of doing and i told a friend that and they said i was the brave one not he coz he took the cheats way out... im over being suicidal now though sadly my boyfriend ended his life a year and a half ago and i really dont think that my bravery in facing life without him is a waste... its proved to be one of THE hardest experiences of my life (as most of my writing reflects) and yet it has made me so much more than i ever was...
i am glad you are not suicidal and i think its cool that you are exploring thought and trying to put yourself in anothers shoes...
Very short and too the point. Definitely no beating around the bush on this one. The only suggestion that I could give is to correct the misspelling in your title. "Persuit" is actually spelled "Pursuit."
The them is pretty good. This poem shows the struggle that I think any person has within themselves when they are debating to end their lives.
There aren't a lot of words in this poem, but the message is clear.
Submission Name: The Persuit of Courage
