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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Just One More Timedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Raivn
    ASL Info:    33/f/al
    Elite Ratio:    4.28 - 1222/916/231
    Words: 157
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 743
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1008



    Description:
       Wanted to be with him one more time in "our" house before I have to leave it for good. So I wrote this.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsJust One More Timedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Just one more time,
    Let me kiss your lips.
    Hold me in your arms,
    Caress me with your fingertips.
    Just one more time,
    In this place that used to be our home.
    Let me feel you in my skin,
    Before I try to make it alone.
    Just one more time,
    Let's fill this place with us.
    Let's leave our ghosts to walk these rooms,
    And linger in love and trust.
    Just one more time,
    Let me whisper in your ear
    Words that you will never forget,
    Sentiments to keep you near.
    Just one more time,
    Lull me to sleep with your heart,
    Let me lie in your arms,
    Before we're forced to part.
    Just one more time,
    Give me one more kiss.
    Tears have fallen from my eyes
    Till all that's left is this.
    Just one more time,
    Say "I love you," with those eyes.
    Steal the breath from my lips,
    So I can never say "good-bye."




    Submitted on 2005-09-12 09:26:39     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      This was very, very good! I really loved it!

    The poem really was sweet, tender, sorrowful and intensely emotional! A very romantic piece.

    I think the poem would benifit from a different format; Try breaking it up into stanzas each ending at "Just one more time" :

    ust one more time,
    Let me kiss your lips.
    Hold me in your arms,
    Caress me with your fingertips.
    Just one more time,

    In this place that used to be our home.
    Let me feel you in my skin,
    Before I try to make it alone.
    Just one more time,

    Let's fill this place with us.
    Let's leave our ghosts to walk these rooms,
    And linger in love and trust.
    Just one more time,

    Just a suggestion!

    Beautiful Write!

    Steve
    | Posted on 2005-09-15 00:00:00 | by SHRINKSDR | [ Reply to This ]
      amazing. absolutely incredible. this is one of the most evocative poems i have read on this site. i have nothing but utmost praise for this. i'm sorry for your pain, but something beautiful has already been born out of it.
    | Posted on 2005-09-12 00:00:00 | by treybur | [ Reply to This ]
      Say "I love you," with those eyes

    Sometimes words are best expressed through actions and stuff. Like a "look" that can say much more than a voice. I liked that part a lot and this was a nice poem to boot. Kind of sad, but some things are sometimes right?

    Have a good one and keep smilin'
    | Posted on 2005-09-12 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
      Just one more time. I dig it. It is a very simple poem about the unavoidance of a goodbye. Also you used an uncommon word. Lull, I have never heard the word in a conversation before. I think all technical mumbojumbo aside you did a great job and I enjoyed reading. I believe that is what it is all about.
    | Posted on 2005-09-12 00:00:00 | by Silver20G | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow...this really stirred up a lot of emotions with me. I so know how this feels and completely relate to every little thing that was said here. The last 4 lines were great! I really liked how you chose to end this piece and it would be so great if things could be that way. REALLY nice write!
    Candi
    | Posted on 2005-09-12 00:00:00 | by dreamweaver | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    2. Try not to give only compliments.
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    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

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