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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: When I open my eyesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: DAlin
    Elite Ratio:    2.12 - 82/137/75
    Words: 52
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 697
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 288



    Description:
       Simplicity will take away complexity and make it fade above, the rainbow who sleeps.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWhen I open my eyesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Help me when I`m in the light
    And I will be there for you,
    I will take the day
    And I will turn it into night.

    Take my dreams and run away
    Touch the sky for me
    Promise me you will be there
    To adore
    Dont ask me where.




    Submitted on 2005-09-12 10:55:05     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Wow...that was..."short." What happened exactly? I mean I understand completely, but really...it's just kinda left me baffled... ...in other words: I loved it. Great job...
    | Posted on 2005-09-13 00:00:00 | by The Imbroglio | [ Reply to This ]
      its an interesting poem.
    vivid.. but i always like that.

    i think that you ended it too soon. maybe just a sentance more.

    i like the simplicity and the way it makes you think and question.
    it has alot of really interesting parts.

    'Help me when i`m in the light
    And i will be there for you,
    I will take the day
    And i will turn it into night.'

    like here.. when most would say help me when im in the dark.. you say light.
    and you will turn the day into night.
    i love that.
    i love the night and i really like how you turned that around.

    'Take my dreams and run away
    Touch the sky for me
    Promise me you will be there
    To adore
    Dont ask me where.'

    touch the sky for me.. i dont know why, but that part really jumped out at me. i like it alot.
    maybe just putting .. just dont ask me where.. i dont know. i just think it would fit better. But thats just one persons opinion.
    you did a great job on this
    ~ jennifer
    | Posted on 2005-09-12 00:00:00 | by joy7542 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    12. Does it feel original?



    74036

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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    January 10 07
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