This site will self destruct in 2 months, March 17.
It will come back, and be familiar and at the same time completely different.
All content will be deleted. Backup anything important.
--- Staff
Roleplay Cloud -
 

Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

tears wasted in vain


Author: darkness
ASL Info:    19/F/my own world
Elite Ratio:    1.84 - 524 /218 /40
Words: 132
Class/Type: Poetry /Serious
Total Views: 1684
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 916



Description:




tears wasted in vain



oh why?
why do i waste these tears in vain?
over insignificant
foolish
worldly things...

these tears drip down my face
tears in vain
tears in pain
tears of no use
tears of insignifigance

I fear that my heart has hardenend
that there is a barrier between heart and soul
as my senceless mind wanders to and fro

have i no control
over my soul?
how can i let these worldly desires prevail?
I can't
I won't

worthless
these tears flow in vain

my soul
my heart
my mind
focas on the truth

these worldly desires r truly in vain
of no use
insignificant

I breathe in
calm again
tears stop
I smile
These worldly desires shall never prevail




Submitted on 2005-09-12 14:31:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  it has a lot of feelings and iemoptions here i think that is why i like it ..
but well yu could improve it by using more metaphorical words i may say
so a good writing and hope you can check out my writings soon
take care
peace and love
and have a nice day
Victor
| Posted on 2006-03-25 00:00:00 | by vitoko | [ Reply to This ]
  I give you a 98% because its kind of draging but over all I liked it it really was nice I mean it had meaning
| Posted on 2006-02-04 00:00:00 | by BusterLILblock | [ Reply to This ]
  Your poems are TREMENDOUS! You put so much imagery into it that it make you fel as if you are actuall there. It makes me kind of sad that you felt that way but I'm glad that you overcame it. GREAT JOB MY HOMIE G!

This was my favorite part . . .

I fear that my heart has hardenend
that there is a barrier between heart and soul
as my senceless mind wanders to and fro

have i no control
over my soul?
how can i let these worldly desires prevail?
I can't
I won't

worthless
these tears flow in vain

It makes you picture what is going on. WRITE SOME MORE POEMS because all of them are soooo soooo coooo . . . lol.
| Posted on 2005-12-09 00:00:00 | by UnPerfect | [ Reply to This ]
  i like this poem, but i feel that you need to go into more detail on why your crying? what words where said in vein? these are the things you need to detail on. good write though.
| Posted on 2005-09-12 00:00:00 | by withblindedeyez | [ Reply to This ]
  A lot of emotion however alot is to be said in this poem. Why do you have pain and why are the tears in vain? I mean there are so many questions that could be asked for this poem. My suggestion would be to read it over again and see what can be added and or taken out!
~Krystina~
| Posted on 2005-09-12 00:00:00 | by takenspiritwind | [ Reply to This ]
  I like this poem. I like the fact that you thought you couldnt overcome your tears, but you conquered them anyway. Other than some spelling errors, it was a fairly good poem. The only suggestion I have is to maybe make it where the reader can understand it a little easier
| Posted on 2005-09-12 00:00:00 | by Mahoganii | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



74052