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My secret lust


Author: Poly Jean
ASL Info:    31/f/FarAway
Elite Ratio:    4.46 - 382 /259 /68
Words: 276
Class/Type: Poetry /Longing
Total Views: 1669
Average Vote:    4.0000
Bytes: 1965



Description:


This is a second version, much shorter and less-fairy tale like. Actually, only the idea behind it is the same, everything else is changed, more or less. Any way, all comments are welcomed.


My secret lust




Summer is fading
So does your beauty
But I won’t let you escape
Through the cracks of my imagination
Like butterflies in sunlight.

I will never be able to transcend
The miles and eons between us
there never was the space
nor time for us.
Not in this universe.
My tomorrows are becoming yesterdays
Too fast
I opened my eyes
And waved the white flag
A long time ago.
But you still fight
You dream
In a blink of an eye you conquer
With innocence, with unawareness.
Every pound, every inch of you
It tempts
It leaves me mindless, nameless
It leaves me non-existing.
And you wear yourself
Like a yesterdays news
You leave yourself around
As I used to left
All those dolls they bought me.

You are an animal perfectly shaped
A machine perfectly designed
A human perfectly crafted by God
Or was it a Devil?
You should have the world in your hands.
You could break million hearts
And I’ve been walking around
With my heart on a plate
Thinking that there are no
Hands strong enough
That there are no fingers
So perfect

In a blink of an eye you conquer
you leave me mindless, nameless
You leave me non-existing.


Summer is fading
So does your beauty
Strength is overcoming.
I’m carving this night
By the image of your body
Lusting in secret
Worshiping in silence
Beauty of strength and shape
A shell, (just) a beautiful shell.

The night salutes you
Summer sighs
Butterfly is pinned
You’re about to grow up
And I’m groving old.





Submitted on 2005-09-12 15:17:35     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  The corpse thing cracked me up! I like your style of writing keep it up!
Kelley Frost
| Posted on 2006-10-22 00:00:00 | by whendt | [ Reply to This ]
  !! This is I must say quite incredible. I mean the title kind of hints that this is going to be about some sort of longing, but then the poem itself really lived up to that title in ways very unexpected. One thing I would question is the length, I think that this poem has a lot of very powerful lines, words that jump out at the reader and take hold, but those carefully sculpted lines seem to get a little lost in a lot of the less-carefully crafted bits between them, which I think stretches this out a bit more than needed to give the effect. Also the God/Devil bit doesn't really seem to fit in with the rest.
Favorite lines : "I opened my eyes / And waved the white flag / A long time ago." & "And I’ve been walking around / With my heart on a plate
/ Thinking that there are no / Hands strong enough / That there are no fingers /
So perfect" and of course the last two lines. These bits have a very strong connotation with them, that doesn't balance well with lines like "You could break a million hearts." I mean, as it is, this poem? It works. But there is a lot that could be done with it to give it more density. -Z
| Posted on 2006-05-15 00:00:00 | by ziska | [ Reply to This ]
  
Live fast, die young, leave behind a good looking corpse eh?

This was quite the read, very interesting, eerie and haunting, and romantically tragic. a sort of chilling take on 'carpe diem'.

I too find myself sometimes thinking tomorrows become yesterdays too fast...

I really really loved the metaphor of the butterfly... from fluttering about in sunlight, to finally being pinned... the narrator is desperate to keep the beauty of this butterfly alive, so doesn't let it escape from the imagination...but

everyone grows old.

and youthful romantic love doesnt last for long...

life is too short for love, the narrator fears it.. so instead, lust is welcomed.

lust is a shell, but a 'beautiful' shell...

anyway this may not be your message/theme at all...but I am profoundly affected.

sombre-but a write that draws you in.

thank you for the read!

Alexis
| Posted on 2005-09-15 00:00:00 | by pennyroyal tea | [ Reply to This ]
  I really like this poem however in the second stanza it is too long. I mean you don't have to but have more line breaks in there so it doesn't seem so long. I like the poem itself however. A very good write. i hope to see more work from you~~
~Krystina~
| Posted on 2005-09-12 00:00:00 | by takenspiritwind | [ Reply to This ]


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