Gulf in Sanity
Your golf ball cries out to you, “Theo, it's time!”
Time for a tailored Armani with extra long sleeves,
Sufficient length to wrap 'round back 'n' tie in front.
Advantageous if one likes to scratch his own back.
Out on your mystical round; on the ultimate course.
Standing alone center stage, hand manicured fairway
Weaves along a babbling brook to goldfish pond trap
With an island green nestled at the head of valley.
Mist evaporates as the sun dawns awake,
The sky clear azure, a sure good sign.
Your miraculous drive, your very best,
On an exceedingly long par five.
Your ball, a titanium core Aerofarce #1,
Sails on guided wings t'ward its target.
A cruise missile with a sense all its own,
Off into oblivion it continues to soar.
On low altitude tree top level flight,
Clearing the heads of the twosome ahead.
Following the terrain as it homes in
On the far distant cup out of sight.
Kaplunk, your Aero lost momentum,
Plopping into the water skirting the green.
A hazard your genius had failed to foresee.
You choke; your heart catches on tonsils.
Ripples radiate outward toward the shoreline,
The last evidence of your disastrous folly.
The pitted white sphere sinks to the mud,
Lazily settling to rest amongst the aqua flora.
Rays of light cast by the mocking star riding on high
Illuminates a precarious lie, no one could desire.
From your stocked cart, you extract flippers and a tank.
No thought of a penalty drop do you even entertain.
Blandishing a submarine wedge you specially designed,
You kick off with a periscope tied to your weight belt.
Allowing for cross current, wind and water drag;
You calculate the trajectory required for the next shot.
With paranoia as an audience, you practice the stroke.
Now seriously focused, you wade to the challenge.
Wound up in your 760 degree cracked elbow swing,
All Hell is loosed as you unleash restrained anger.
An eldritch shot exits the hazard on line.
It's descent surreal as it sights in on the flag.
Rimming the cup twice before dropping home.
You card your double eagle, the Imperial Birdie.
What could you to do to eclipse this?
This was an incredible feat; impossible.
Afore a silent gallery, awe struck entranced,
Tiger frowns as he realizes his eminent defeat.
The man of the hour, your face plasters the globe.
Humility masks your twisted smirk of deceit.
As you stoop to retrieve your precious toy,
An orderly signals it's time to return to your cell.