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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Gulf in Sanitydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: uncreaTED
    Elite Ratio:    4.86 - 58/69/24
    Words: 443
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1044
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 3066



    Description:
       Where this came from, I know not? It just echoed in my head as the Temple bell chimed beside me to announce evening prayers. Buddha would likely appreciate this one.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsGulf in Sanitydots
    -------------------------------------------


    Gulf in Sanity

    Your golf ball cries out to you, “Theo, it's time!”
    Time for a tailored Armani with extra long sleeves,
    Sufficient length to wrap 'round back 'n' tie in front.
    Advantageous if one likes to scratch his own back.

    Out on your mystical round; on the ultimate course.
    Standing alone center stage, hand manicured fairway
    Weaves along a babbling brook to goldfish pond trap
    With an island green nestled at the head of valley.

    Mist evaporates as the sun dawns awake,
    The sky clear azure, a sure good sign.
    Your miraculous drive, your very best,
    On an exceedingly long par five.

    Your ball, a titanium core Aerofarce #1,
    Sails on guided wings t'ward its target.
    A cruise missile with a sense all its own,
    Off into oblivion it continues to soar.

    On low altitude tree top level flight,
    Clearing the heads of the twosome ahead.
    Following the terrain as it homes in
    On the far distant cup out of sight.

    Kaplunk, your Aero lost momentum,
    Plopping into the water skirting the green.
    A hazard your genius had failed to foresee.
    You choke; your heart catches on tonsils.

    Ripples radiate outward toward the shoreline,
    The last evidence of your disastrous folly.
    The pitted white sphere sinks to the mud,
    Lazily settling to rest amongst the aqua flora.

    Rays of light cast by the mocking star riding on high
    Illuminates a precarious lie, no one could desire.
    From your stocked cart, you extract flippers and a tank.
    No thought of a penalty drop do you even entertain.

    Blandishing a submarine wedge you specially designed,
    You kick off with a periscope tied to your weight belt.
    Allowing for cross current, wind and water drag;
    You calculate the trajectory required for the next shot.

    With paranoia as an audience, you practice the stroke.
    Now seriously focused, you wade to the challenge.
    Wound up in your 760 degree cracked elbow swing,
    All Hell is loosed as you unleash restrained anger.

    An eldritch shot exits the hazard on line.
    It's descent surreal as it sights in on the flag.
    Rimming the cup twice before dropping home.
    You card your double eagle, the Imperial Birdie.

    What could you to do to eclipse this?
    This was an incredible feat; impossible.
    Afore a silent gallery, awe struck entranced,
    Tiger frowns as he realizes his eminent defeat.

    The man of the hour, your face plasters the globe.
    Humility masks your twisted smirk of deceit.
    As you stoop to retrieve your precious toy,
    An orderly signals it's time to return to your cell.




    Submitted on 2005-09-12 15:42:47     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Golf is a game where bourgeois [censored]s make distance shots…. Very blind ones sometimes. War is a game to some people… and the distance between the decision makers and the consequences of war is absolutely appalling. Bombs bounce of bodies and trees but they are happy either way. Let’s just keep the military industrial complex running. It is very interesting how you made the (w)hole scenario sound delusional in the end, “An orderly signals it's time to return to your cell”… may of us can only wish this wasn’t so real. Terrifying how the ball contained star wars technology too! It took me a while to catch this part.

    Blandishing a submarine wedge you specially designed,
    you kick off with a periscope tied to your weight belt.
    Allowing for cross current, wind and water drag;
    you calculate the trajectory required for the next shot.

    This isn’t cheating (deceit)! That’s how the game is played!

    I have seen in some of your other poems of
    you hinting towards US downfall... now the "white sphere sinking into the mud" reminds me of this reference.. and more stars wars tech is being used to keep the big stick afloat (and these bastar-ds, with their golf shoes, dont walk softly at all, now do they?)

    This read had me going! thanks ted!
    | Posted on 2005-09-22 00:00:00 | by screams | [ Reply to This ]
      uncreaTED,

    Right up until the last stanza i thought this piece was a subtle satire/analogy of one Mr G.W. Bush. Y'know, with the title, and that famous line of his "now watch this drive", the thorough disrespect of the rules of golf and other golfers your protagonist exibits...

    Then the last line completely throws me, the whole inmate reference? What was that all about? Felt like i was laughing along with a very clever joke only to seem foolish in the end by saying, "I don't get it".

    So really, did i get it??? Cause the more i think about it, the more it screws with my head. You know "the imperial birdie", "cruise missile" and then:

    Kaplunk, your Crow lost momentum,
    Plopping into the water skirting the green.
    A hazard your genius had failed to foresee.
    You chock; your heart catches on tonsils.

    Ripples radiate outward toward the shoreline,
    The last evidence of your disastrous folly.
    The pitted white sphere sinks to the mud,
    Lazily settling to rest amongst the aqua flora.

    Surely that's a brilliant reference to the Katrina distaster.

    Anyway in the first stanza above, i'm pretty sure you mean't choke instead of chock.

    Good to read some more of your gear though,

    Abzy
    | Posted on 2005-09-15 00:00:00 | by Abzy | [ Reply to This ]
      You Are So Good at this! you must play or enjoy golf very much. The picture it painted so well, this flow is new to my liking but as always love your choice of words!
    keep up the great work:)


    Singlerose
    | Posted on 2005-09-12 00:00:00 | by SingleRose | [ Reply to This ]


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    74067

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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    January 10 07
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