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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Lean On Medots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: SHRINKSDR
    Elite Ratio:    4.28 - 476/375/39
    Words: 236
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1249
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1359



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLean On Medots
    -------------------------------------------


    Lean On Me

    My sweet angel, my darling, my dear,
    Your sadness and sorrow is ever so near.
    I see your smile so bold, so brave.
    I see your pain so dark so grave.

    You grieve, you mourn, a love thatís Past.
    Over your life its pall has cast,
    Like so many outstanding and unpaid debts.
    So many mistakes and so many regrets!

    You carry with you an endless spate,
    Of sorrow, remorse and self-hate!
    A brave woman who stands alone,
    Who longs to lean, but canít go home.

    I can help to bear all that weight,
    Iíll pull you from this dreary state.
    Come, lean on me! As you take each stride;
    My back is broad, my shoulders wide.

    I can hold you and shoulder this heavy cross.
    To me youíd be no Albatross!
    Always know that Iím at your side.
    My back is broad, my shoulders wide.

    Perhaps in time youíll come to see
    That my love and devotion is a sturdy tree,
    And then with love and deep affection
    We begin a life of loving perfection.

    So come, hold on with all your might!
    Like a stallion Iíll bear you through the night,
    Into the daybreak on the other side.
    My back is broad, my shoulders wide.





    Submitted on 2005-09-12 16:21:00     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Wow!!! This was very beautifully written and so well expressed such love you can feel within the words I truely enjoyed reading this one and I am adding it to my favorites, It is a very awesome read and a wonderful poem to read, Love the flow of the words sound so good together. Looking forward to reading some more of your work.
    | Posted on 2005-12-23 00:00:00 | by LadyMustang | [ Reply to This ]
      WOW! WOW! WOW! The love of such a man as the one described in this write is, well words just cannot say. A woman would have to show a man how she feels and how thankful she is to have him love her in such a way...Never, Never should she take this man for granted! BUT, shower him with the love he deserves...
    Steve, you have outdid yourself on this one!

    Smiles and laughter,
    ~Linda
    | Posted on 2005-12-17 00:00:00 | by AlabamaFarmGirl | [ Reply to This ]
      very well written
    extremely moving piece

    i thought of my mom reading this
    she has practically given up her life to make sure her children had one
    and for this i will always be grateful

    the third stanza was my favorite

    Please if you get a chance read some of my poetry and let me know what you think i think youll like it

    Take Care
    Ron
    | Posted on 2005-10-15 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow Steve! These words could melt anyone's heart, you do realize that right?! I loved the rhyming scheme, it worked well in this poem and never thought a decent word could rhyme and sound good with debts! lol
    This is a deep message about true love and devotion and I applaud you for sharing this sincere and deep emotion in such a beautiful way. Wonderful piece of work Steve!
    Candi
    | Posted on 2005-09-22 00:00:00 | by dreamweaver | [ Reply to This ]
      beautiful.
    though i feel as if i am mimicking everyone else.
    you did a wonderful job on this.
    your wording and discriptions made this poem into a lovly picture.
    your rhyming was perfect to make it flow as i read it.
    truly a beautiful piece of work. it showed love as most do not see it. though i thank you for reminding me that it is still alive.
    take care.
    ~jennifer
    | Posted on 2005-09-21 00:00:00 | by joy7542 | [ Reply to This ]
      This is just beautiful Steve! How lucky this woman is to have you put your heart out on the line for her this way. I know how it feels to be down and want those caring safe and secure shoulders to cry on. And you know from a womans perspective, it is quite effective to win her heart showing all that sweetness and sensitivity...but for some reason I dont think you need me to tell you about sweetness and sensitivityYou are sweet already!Now, as for the poem, it is wonderful. Nicely written and classy. It is written with a lovely heartfelt expression of genuineness which is great friggin great! This is very moving and whoever she is I hope she knows how lucky she is to have someone like you to lean on! You are a sweetie! And a nice poem here! Take care!

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-09-20 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      I love the repitition of the line
    "My back is broad, my shoulders wide". You may want to formalize the form a bit and use it as the last line of every other stanza.



    Graeme's suggestion helps, but
    "Like so many outstanding and unpaid debts
    So many mistakes and a ton of regrets!"
    still seems a "off". I thinks it's the phrase "a ton of" that's throwing me off. It seems too casual somehow.

    Perhaps:
    "Like so many outstanding and unpaid debts
    So many mistakes and uncounted regrets!"

    Good work!

    Steve
    | Posted on 2005-09-14 00:00:00 | by Lost Sheep | [ Reply to This ]
      A vow of love.. and the strength to see that love through. This is really very good. I think we all, at times, need someone to "be there" with a shoulder big enough to cry on and a heart big enough to "listen". A sturdy, dependable "someone". I think we all need that. Men and women alike.

    This line really added to the poem > "My back is broad, my shoulders wide"

    Another wonderful write by you.

    ~Sandra
    | Posted on 2005-09-14 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]
      at first i didnt like the rhyme or the length of the write.
    then i read it again and now i think everything fits perfectly.
    the title i think could use some work. but i'm mainly nit-picking.
    very poetic. nicely done.
    5/5
    | Posted on 2005-09-13 00:00:00 | by Adia | [ Reply to This ]
      This is very sweet. For someone who has no one to lean on, this shows me for just a moment what it would be like to have someone else to help ease the burden. Great work, Steve.
    Traci :)
    | Posted on 2005-09-13 00:00:00 | by onetruesmartass | [ Reply to This ]
      Absolutly beautiful and written so well ...i barely took a breath ...This is one of my favorate styles or form ...theres a very natural pattern...and with the right words and emotions ...well...art is made...good job ...really nice read
    | Posted on 2005-09-12 00:00:00 | by Krysti | [ Reply to This ]
      Mate, this is a gem! It's hard to get away with rhyming couplets, but this ain't too shabby at all.

    This one:

    "You grieve, you mourn, a love thatís Past,
    A loss that over your life a pall itsí cast
    Like so many outstanding and unpaid debts
    So many mistakes and a ton of regrets!"

    A bit of a tongue-twister. How about something like

    "You grieve, you mourn, a love thatís past,
    Over your life its pall has cast,
    Life calling in its unpaid debts
    So many mistakes and a ton of regrets!"

    Just a thought. I really liked this one, mate, right up my alley!

    Bewdy.

    Be Happy

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-09-12 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      From a mans point of view, this could really stand a little rehearsing so if it might be used to catch some fish in the sea, our hook will become well set. Most ladies soak this poetry up like a dry sponge in water, then fall head over heels in overly passionate crying and hugging. Then most often the man finds himself having to repeat the pereformance with another wammmy that moves the heart as well as the first one did. Therefore my boy you better get writing, because they will want another just as romanticly enticing as this is.
    That just may take some time for most of us, however the old Shrinster Dr. it seems it will be a piece of cake.
    Later my boy, well done!
    | Posted on 2005-09-12 00:00:00 | by Clayton | [ Reply to This ]
      That is some serious dedication to an extremely fortunate woman (Tina used all my words)

    The whole piece was stunning Steve, not one line out of place...I loved every line, but I really felt alot with these:

    "I can hold you and shoulder this heavy cross
    To me youíd be no Albatross
    Always know that Iím at your side
    My back is broad, my shoulders wide"

    You know me and my visual thing...that just painted a very vivid picture for me...touching and tender.

    Lisa
    | Posted on 2005-09-12 00:00:00 | by ravenwolf68 | [ Reply to This ]
      wow...beauty in the form of poetry...what a lucky lucky woman. I loved the imagery and though you had one line that was repetitive it was one hell of a line and helped to drive home the depth of your devotion for this person...fab-u-los! ;)

    Tina
    | Posted on 2005-09-12 00:00:00 | by Brownsdelight | [ Reply to This ]


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