Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Turning Offdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Mithrandir
    ASL Info:    28/m/N.Y.
    Elite Ratio:    4.62 - 452/681/113
    Words: 169
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 624
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1152



    Description:
       This was written after a long discussion with a friend about the ying and yang of life and various other topics while pretending we are both philisophs of old, yet while working at a convience store.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTurning Offdots
    -------------------------------------------


    You can lie
    with a photograph
    hiding the imperfections
    of family life


    turn the projector off
    throw the bottles out
    and mommas singing that song

    but she doesn't
    know best
    and you need more
    then just love

    put your cigarette
    our on my arm
    cause I need my pain

    Smile once for me
    then let the tears go
    call out my name
    I'll come running

    not a hero
    no shiny armor
    in my closet

    wearing my scars
    with honor
    laughing about
    the mistakes

    and your humming that song
    yes you will be loved
    you will be

    but if I didn't know pain
    how could I hope
    to show you joy

    my imperfections
    give me strength
    I'll always come runnning
    but I just might
    trip along the way

    turn the projector off
    turn the radio up
    and listen cause
    this ones for you




    Submitted on 2005-09-12 22:21:42     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I love the entire idea of the piece and all of your works as a matter of fact. I love how you can encorporate themes or ideas the the audience can relate with, creating connections, and a better way of writing.

    I love how this is written, making it seem so real, so simple.

    The imagery of turning th eprojector off, throwing the bottles out, the music in the background, its all so real its like I can touch the story. And the strange thing is that I know where you are coming from, that story of time. When your friend finally wkes up one day and says 'this isnt right' why was I looking through these photographs the whole time trying to be something I am not? I want a change' and then you are there to help them through it even if you feel inadequate or inept.

    Sorry if I interpreted it the wrong way. I love your work though. Keep on writing.
    | Posted on 2006-12-19 00:00:00 | by blankscreen | [ Reply to This ]
      i renember falling in love with this one in your journal... honestly i did...

    as i read it i could hear a few different songs playing the background... words triggering off soundtracks... dunno if that was intentional or whether you were always aware of it...
    i realise the reference to Maroon 5's she will be loved was intentional but how about the similarity here to some old song:

    call out my name
    I'll come running

    reminds me of:

    if you just call out my name
    and you know wherever i am
    ill come running to see you again...

    purpose or am i just a freak who thinks in songs to loudly...? (maybe dont answer that...)

    but really... i do love this piece...

    what i love most about it is the rawness of it... the brutal honesty

    "i may not have an armour but that doesnt mean i cant save you... that doesnt mean you arent a princess to me... that doesnt mean i dont like/love/need you..."

    and the promise at the end of always being there but not claiming to be there perfectly... admitting your human and stuble along the way... theres something totally beautiful about that... its so humble and yet it resonates something so pure... i cant explain myself...

    ugh! and you thought this was crap...?
    | Posted on 2005-09-15 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    74113

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Dream written by closetpoet
    The World written by jjd
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry