Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Jack D. Is A Son Of A Bitchdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: LameMansTerms
    ASL Info:    36/M/Hermosa Beach, Ca
    Elite Ratio:    4.31 - 713/1012/165
    Words: 76
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 963
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 806



    Description:
       ok 1st the * is a play on the words It's sin my eyes-I think it is self explianatory but if not there ya go---I know!---
    well I am dry for almost 2 weeks....yeah yeah whatever I could give a damn! Today I had a showdown with a mean ass looking bottle of Jack Daniels.....but I won.....I actually wasn't thirsty..yeah..


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsJack D. Is A Son Of A Bitchdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Like an ex-girl friend,
         who's out to get me.
    Seeking me out again.....
         coming back like herpes.

    Through and around,
         those troubled roads.
    Across shaky ground,
         the highs and lows.

    At the crossroads
         I had nothing to say.
    A confrontation arose.
         I was polite and walked away.

    Experience, has made me wise.
         Wisdom can make you go blind.
    Itísin*my eyes.
         But itís just a temptation in my mind.

    lamemansterms





    Submitted on 2005-09-13 03:12:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Lamemansterns,

    This piece is awsome. It is also funny. These two stanza's:

    Like an ex-girl friend,
    who's out to get me.
    Seeking me out again...
    coming back like herpes

    At the crossroads
    I had nothing to say.
    A confrontation arose.
    I was polite and walked away

    Are my favorite. The first one made me laugh but it is true. The second stanza reveals the character of the person you are talking about while intoxicated. I hope I am commenting right. Great poem. Chat with you later.

    La Ley Sombra
    | Posted on 2005-12-31 00:00:00 | by B-Gentle | [ Reply to This ]
      Lucky you . . . each win removes a potential nail from the box your size. Cheat the Devil with sobriety; the money you save will make you a millionaire or at least buy you a new Fender!

    I gave up Jack and a choice group of his international friends Ė Hennessey, Pernod, Raki, Ouzo, Chivas . . . prime memories. In time you won't even remember them unless they surprise you with an unexpected visit Ė then you'll need strength to resist and just be civil.

    Good Luck to ya mate.
    | Posted on 2005-09-25 00:00:00 | by uncreaTED | [ Reply to This ]
      Ah.

    well, LMT, I know you're Lame Man enough to win against Jack D, even though that is a pretty tough competition.

    Now I shan't say anymore on that, and shan't say whether I am acquainted with Jack personally, because Joeyalphabet has already scolded me for drinking and I am supposed to be acting like a proper young lady.

    <cough>

    anyway, you really get down the frustration and temptation. not that I uh, know how it feels. <cough cough> lol.

    Like an ex-girl friend,
    who's out to get me.


    that was a good opening stanza. the analogy works very well here. You've broken off the relationship, yet she won't leave you alone. (metaphor here lol) and you know that if she keeps coming round, you won't be able to resist anymore and...

    JACK D, YOU STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM HIM, YA HEAR??

    ahem. and then of course your second stanza deals with the pleasures and the pains. it's fun, but then its not. its not, but then its fun.

    At the crossroads
    I had nothing to say.


    I really liked this stanza, personally my favourite. I mean, you got to a point, where you made a conscious decision to uh, stay away. but it wasnt like a life changing moment. It just sorta happened and you're wondering how long this little calm is gonna last before you implode...

    I love how you add wisdom can make you go blind right after acknowledging that you are wiser..I dunno, thats just a really LMT thing to say I love it. and I liked the ending, although its a little wistful.


    GOOD POEM LMT, GOOD POEM...

    and uh, we all go through that yknow. when we have love/hate relationships with stuff we shouldnt be having love/hate relationships with, poisoning our veins and organs until we feel like we're going to die really really slowly...but what the heck.


    you can fight it. (remember your pancreas now...*sigh* i wish they could regrow organs.)


    Alexis
    | Posted on 2005-09-19 00:00:00 | by pennyroyal tea | [ Reply to This ]
      Yo, way to go! You give me hope for MY future, big guy!

    Shit, to contemplate not having a drink...I can't even think about it, but then, I remember saying the same thing about cigarettes, and I driopped them cold a few years back.

    Well done, mate, I'm proud of ya, and a nice poem to tell of your success.

    Be Happy

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-09-15 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      I met Jack for the first time last week, an honestly, I don't like him that much. But we've all had the days when we know that we want something, but we just can't do it to ourselves. I learned a long time ago (doesn't that make me sound old???) that the drining and drugs don't make the porblems go away. I came out of my haze and my problems were still there, waiting for me. I know your issues are a little different here, but I guess I'm trying to say is that I learned that it's not worth it. We have to fight our own battles head on, we can't put them off anymore. Thanks for this, I really needed this one today (you know some of the stuff that's happened, but it keeps comming).

    ~Jess
    | Posted on 2005-09-15 00:00:00 | by shmuzzelle | [ Reply to This ]
      I've been known to associate with Jack bottles and I guess the title and my own experience had me expecting a frivolous good time in this poem. What I found instead was much more important: a very well written piece about addiction.

    To me, two quality things stand out here. First, in the poem, I like the way you personify the bottle. It's not just a hunk of glass filled with a mix of rotten grain and water; it's a person that haunts you. It has an agenda and a purpose. The two of you have a history and it's not one you care to return to.

    The second thing that stands out is hinted at in the poem, but it comes through a lot stronger in the external presentation.    You're the winner here.    You've already won this battle and probably others and you're going to win the war.

    The power is yours. I wish you success.

    BTW great poem.

    Steve

    | Posted on 2005-09-14 00:00:00 | by Lost Sheep | [ Reply to This ]
      Very nice piece...excellent wording and great lines. Welcome to my comment hell - you have a bottle of Jack chasing you - I have these comment gods after me...How many f*cking ways can you tell someone their sh*t is good?

    I liked how you did the "sin*" thing ~ nice touch
    and I believe the 1st stanza was a definite grabber - very expressive

    Lisa
    | Posted on 2005-09-14 00:00:00 | by ravenwolf68 | [ Reply to This ]
      what up LT. Peom was good. I see you had a one on one fight with Mr. Daniels. I liked how it flowed and everything rhymed. It can be tough to be clean if you have nothing else to clingy to. I would know thought it wasn't alcohol it was drugs. Well talk to ya lata. -james
    | Posted on 2005-09-13 00:00:00 | by musclebound350 | [ Reply to This ]
      Higher Power poetry... kewl. I like this more than any other abstinence (?) poem I've ever seen, because it starts out soooooooo low-life bad-feeling, bluesy-gold:

    "Like an ex-girl friend,
    whose out to get me.
    Seeking me out again..
    Coming back like herpes..."

    Ohhhhh yeah! THAT was killer-bee!
    | Posted on 2005-09-13 00:00:00 | by grey_girl | [ Reply to This ]
      Ahhh...! Wonderful! This is a great write and expressed so very well! "Experience has made me wise" is such a powerful line here! How true this is and alcohol is such an evil friend that it sneaks up on you before you even know its there and its got you. Fu cking awesome you are being strong and having success with it! You will be tempted and the trick is indeed one day at a time! great write this is! Best wishes to you!

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-09-13 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      KUDOS to you!

    See you are strong! This is such a powerful, personal high five write! Your emotions are forward. You hit all points direct. I wish you the best with your continuance of walking away from "JACK". A great write! Take care, Wanda
    | Posted on 2005-09-13 00:00:00 | by bigfineq | [ Reply to This ]
      had no idea you had such demons my friend. Great way to exorcise them. This is intelligent and well-crafted and easy to understand. Not sure what else to say. I can't find anything to gripe about. The sin thing is clever though perhaps the * is unecessary. Maybe there's another way to do it. I might just leave it as is without the * and if people don't get it, too bad for them.

    best of luck my friend. Jack is a motherbit ch of an opponent, but in the first showdown you won big. This gives you the physcological edge...should make the next one even easier.
    | Posted on 2005-09-13 00:00:00 | by deadndreaming | [ Reply to This ]
      Awesome.
    This is a great piece that definitely got the message across of feeling hunted, chased by something.
    Keep dry dude, it's better than the pain that'll come if you don't.
    Traci :)
    | Posted on 2005-09-13 00:00:00 | by onetruesmartass | [ Reply to This ]
      First off Lt I would like to congratulate you on your two weeks. I don't know from personal experience how hard it is but I know from the experience of my mother that it is a pretty damn hard thing to do.

    In this piece you tell of how you fought the temptation to pick up that bottle, and you won. It takes a strong person to do that. If I only I could be strong enough to leave that cigarette in the pack, but it just sits there calling for me. Promising that it will be the last one. But it lies.

    I think that if you keep writing you will gain enough strength to withstand all those temptations. I'm in no way saying that you are an alcoholic, but I do know that alcoholism is a disease. You have to want to help yourself. Purge that disease and make writing your new disease. That way we all can be here to help.

    Don't give up my friend. Life is too short and there ARE beautiful things out there waiting for you. You just have to want it.

    Brightest Blessings,
    Crystal
    | Posted on 2005-09-13 00:00:00 | by lenotoire | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a cute piece.

    U have to put space between It's and in in ur last stanza.

    I love the analogy with the ex girlfriend. I represents the temptation of a once tasted thing, something u r familiar with and of which u know the good and the bad, the sweet and the bitter.

    I love ur last stanza best. I love mostly "Wisdom can make you go blind". The meaning is still the same even if said in other words. Wisdom makes u blind to temptation, not to knowledge, because wisdom knows that temptation is leading u somewhere bad!

    Keep going, keep dry...
    V
    | Posted on 2005-09-13 00:00:00 | by babyblue002 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    74138

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry