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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Beyond My Controldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Raivn
    ASL Info:    33/f/al
    Elite Ratio:    4.28 - 1222/916/231
    Words: 106
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 737
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 741



    Description:
       I was watching HBO one day and Dangerous Liasons was on. In one scene, John Malkovich goes to break it off with Michelle Pffeifer (however you spell it), and every question she asks, he answers with, "It's beyond my control." It drove her insane. I just thought it wouls be neat in a poem. However, it presented a problem. It sounds a little elementary, cause there are only so many words that rhyme with control.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBeyond My Controldots
    -------------------------------------------


    How is it that you touch
    The deepest portions of my soul?
    What can I say?
    It's beyond my control.
    To love you forever
    Was my grandest goal.
    Then you went away.
    It's beyond my control.
    All the shit you've put me through
    Has really taken it's toll.
    I'm a shadow of my former self.
    It's beyond my control.
    Sometimes I wish you'd bring back those pieces
    That fit to make me whole.
    But you're too fucking selfish.
    It's beyond my control.
    Thank God I've mustered the strength
    To finally let you go.
    You gaze at me with dejected eyes.
    It's beyond my control.




    Submitted on 2005-09-13 09:22:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      OMG if I read one more of these poems I am going to scream...I love you sooo much Raivn and you write so well but I am sooo tired of thinkin about Tony's touch and how it makes you feel,lol,so please please don't be mad at me...write a poem about me...those are always great you know!
    | Posted on 2005-09-16 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      i'm not to sure why we allow someone else to control us .. we always will have control of our selfs and how we feel. If others choose to move foward after meeting with us or you let it be your choice and wish them well. They are never worth it if they truly do not appericate you for you. Never give your soul to someone. The only person who wants it is the devil.
    | Posted on 2005-09-13 00:00:00 | by mandy dupuis | [ Reply to This ]
      i think you've done a good job.. i'm not ecstatic about the way you end though.. while it appears to be a basic poem... elementry as you put it.. i think it talks about more serious and deeper issues..

    i love the whole pieces bit.. though it seemingly ends on a helpless note, i think its empowering.. there is a realisation that someone is breaking away parts of you, making you an incomplete person.. from here there is a scope of fixing the wrongs... most people fail to even have such a realisation... let alone fix things...
    | Posted on 2005-09-13 00:00:00 | by Sanjhana | [ Reply to This ]
      Sometimes repetitiveness is bad and sounds dopey but that is so not the case with this poem very well done i have nothing i would change about this poem I love this poem
    | Posted on 2005-09-13 00:00:00 | by sweetrstangel18 | [ Reply to This ]
      That was written well. I liked the repetiveness of beyond my control. Maybe change "its" to "thats"??? not sure.

    Good write as I said

    kate
    xxxx
    | Posted on 2005-09-13 00:00:00 | by elephantasia | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey! I've had a relationship like this before and surprisingly the guy is back... he just refuses to stay gone I suppose. Who knows... Love... Lust whatever it is... its a funny thing... One moment you're so infatuated with a person that its impossible to even dream of living on without them and then the next you're totally ready to dump them in a river. :)
    Not the most original, but a good write overall.
    -Alli
    | Posted on 2005-09-13 00:00:00 | by Childoutspoken | [ Reply to This ]


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