My Marionette -------------------------------------------
A puppet in my hands
To manipulate at will.
You think that we
Are merely friends.
But the depths of your
Very soul are in
Servitude to me.
So go ahead,
Try and escape.
See how long you
Survive as you attempt
To move your own strings.
And you’ll come crawling back
To find your puppeteer gone.
First, love the picture. Made me laugh when it just popped like that...never thought someone would have barney on their list. Now to the poem.
I loved the idea of it. A female controlling the relationship by a few strings. However, you could of made the language more...well not so simple. Dont get me wrong, your words are fine, but I think if you added more...i dont know more umpf in the poem it would be better. Besides the language factor I loved it. The idea is great.
This is quite interesting the relationship situation you've placed yourself in and this other person. I don't usually like the image that you portrayed about this person depend upon another and then going in the real world trying to be independent and coming back to tell or probably be with that person only to realize the one that person has been depend on is gone. Almost sad. Reminds me of this mother/daughter or father/daughter relationship. We have it a lot here. The expecting thing from females in this country is to get married to some guy and become a housewife and if they seek their own independence, when they come back, the door is closed. That was my interpretation of this piece although i am completely aware that this is not what you had in mind. Still i am stating my opinion upon it.
I found the title very interesting because marionnette is a french word and i love just pronouncing that word and it takes me back to childhood ( Lived in a french country) so to me, the title was superb.
Your use of language, however, wasn't as superb as i thought it would be. It lacked a lot of feelings and a lot of sensation that we should feel when we read this sort of thing. What you did, you only created an image for us to imagine what the characters are doing, but what is behind this piece, the secrets and feelings, we don't know because it's not there.
So although i admire your idea, i do not agree with your simplicity upon this subject matter. The simple structure with the words doesn't take my breath away and i am not charmed by it. It doesn't make much difference whether i read it or not because your passion isn't there. But still, i loved the way you were able to come up with some new idea of the subject matter itself and i am applauding you for that.
Keep writing though, you have the key to impress us readers one way or the other. Take care until next time.
Submission Name: My Marionette
