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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Falling Apartdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: takenspiritwind
    ASL Info:    21/F/NH
    Elite Ratio:    4.35 - 117/95/38
    Words: 145
    Class/Type: Poetry/Romance
    Total Views: 639
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 855



    Description:
       I wrote this when me and my bf were having problems, but now we are ok!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFalling Apartdots
    -------------------------------------------


    The lost expression upon your
    silken face tells me your soul,
    The stress of your sadness I can
    see has once again taken toll.
    Iím sorry for asking why it
    must be just his way,
    Our lives falling a part and all I
    do is beg you to stay.
    You turn your back to my
    pathetic unsteady frame,
    I look at your love leaving me
    behind and know who to blame.
    I canít stand the thought of you
    leaving me,
    You look me in the face with
    a certain hate of degree.
    I take your hands in mine and
    hold them in my own,
    I look into your eyes which
    soften from cold stone.
    You kiss me sweetly and say sorry
    for the pain you placed upon my
    shattered soul,
    This was time now has become
    our final toll.




    Submitted on 2005-09-13 14:31:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
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    ||| Comments |||
      man I can totally relate. I love this...it is expressed so well. the emotion that was put into it was shouting out to me. Kudos to you!
    | Posted on 2005-09-28 00:00:00 | by ReiLuna | [ Reply to This ]
      dont change a thing! this is so good u show that even though ur going through a tough time in ur relationship ur still trying to make it work and now u guyz r cool rite?
    ~akaila evonne~
    | Posted on 2005-09-18 00:00:00 | by iluvpoetry_1 | [ Reply to This ]
      See thats what im talking about individuality... your lines were broken the perfect way for you which demonstrates individualism which is good in writting beacuse if we all wrote the same way it would be boring and it would have no point
    | Posted on 2005-09-13 00:00:00 | by josymanthegreat | [ Reply to This ]
      I undrstand completely! BUT if i wre you I would have broken up the lines differently to help them flow a little better:

    The lost expression upon your silken face
    tells me your soul,
    The stress of your sadness has once again taken its toll.
    Iím sorry for asking why
    it must be just his way,
    Our lives falling a part
    and all I do is beg you to stay.

    You turn your back
    to my pathetic unsteady frame,
    I look at your love leaving me behind
    and know who to blame.
    I canít stand the thought of you leaving me,

    You look me in the face
    with a certain hate of degree.
    I take your hands in mine
    and hold them in my own,

    I look into your eyes
    which soften from cold stone.
    You kiss me sweetly and say sorry
    for the pain you placed upon my shattered soul,
    This time now has become
    our final toll.


    all in all good write though!
    ~Amanda
    | Posted on 2005-09-13 00:00:00 | by AmandaLyn | [ Reply to This ]


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