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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Heimlichdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: eliwhitneyradio
    Elite Ratio:    3.15 - 49/51/13
    Words: 12
    Class/Type: Haiku/Romance
    Total Views: 987
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 87



    Description:
       What are you looking for in terms of feedback? Any background information behind the piece? Hints? Is this just to vent? Emotional state while writing?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHeimlichdots
    -------------------------------------------


    press my stomach and
    I'll vomit planets that will
    revolve around you




    Submitted on 2005-09-13 14:42:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
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    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      ewwwww....nasty....

    love as ipecac.

    and absurdly enough, this image: a universe of vomit.

    thank god it was a haiku and as such it wasn't overly verbose and didn't have to rhyme.

    because hallmark might have proved the diabetic glaze to this particular literary pastry-puff that would send me into convulsive fits, that's why...


    hey turnabout's fair play
    and now we're even, right?!
    | Posted on 2007-06-04 00:00:00 | by ruejacobs | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh.. uhm. Its different? I don't see any romantic-ish feeling involved in this or perhaps there is but you have to rack your brains real hard and try to search. Maybe someone thinks this is the perfect act of love there is. Maybe or.. well anyway you did seem to set yourself apart from others.
    | Posted on 2005-11-12 00:00:00 | by She Is Insane | [ Reply to This ]
      Yeah i was kinda disturbed by the fact that i found this romantic ..if the plan was to make people really sit and ponder this ...It worked ...Nice job ....Definatly original ...
    | Posted on 2005-09-29 00:00:00 | by Krysti | [ Reply to This ]
      Raw. I can see in your work a very raw and ready talent. I would like to thank you. I have many short poems that I have not posted here because so few people can enjoy them. I see you pave the way and I applaud! BRAVO!! I love the way this hits back, and I can say that I do look forward to reading more form you. I do hope that you don't take anyone's commentary personal and that you remember the first key of poetry,poetry is personal observations expression truely revealing yourself. At least that is what I think of. Welcome and keep up the great work.
    | Posted on 2005-09-13 00:00:00 | by sistersinister | [ Reply to This ]
      I never know what the hell Graeme is taking about but if you read his stuff you will know your in the presence of real talent!

    Now you! This was short a sweet. I don't know about haiku but do agree with the way in which in a very short span the reader is taken through several changes.

    From gross to heavenly

    Welcome!!

    Steve
    | Posted on 2005-09-13 00:00:00 | by SHRINKSDR | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey! Welcome to ES! and thanks for bringing a breath of freshness with you.

    This is certainly outside the square of your typical haiku, and has three wonderful lines:

    The first surprises one because of the subject matter

    The second REALLY makes you sit up, with the "vomit" reference

    Ans the third makes the whole thing ok again, and turns it into a love senryu.

    Very clever, and very well done.

    Just a thought...there are a lot of haiku fans here, but most people won't comment on them normally, as there's not enough in them to think of comments (this one is different)

    Good on ya!

    be Happy

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-09-13 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]


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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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