Description: What are you looking for in terms of feedback? Any background information behind the piece? Hints? Is this just to vent? Emotional state while writing?
Oh.. uhm. Its different? I don't see any romantic-ish feeling involved in this or perhaps there is but you have to rack your brains real hard and try to search. Maybe someone thinks this is the perfect act of love there is. Maybe or.. well anyway you did seem to set yourself apart from others.
Yeah i was kinda disturbed by the fact that i found this romantic ..if the plan was to make people really sit and ponder this ...It worked ...Nice job ....Definatly original ...
Raw. I can see in your work a very raw and ready talent. I would like to thank you. I have many short poems that I have not posted here because so few people can enjoy them. I see you pave the way and I applaud! BRAVO!! I love the way this hits back, and I can say that I do look forward to reading more form you. I do hope that you don't take anyone's commentary personal and that you remember the first key of poetry,poetry is personal observations expression truely revealing yourself. At least that is what I think of. Welcome and keep up the great work.
I never know what the hell Graeme is taking about but if you read his stuff you will know your in the presence of real talent!
Now you! This was short a sweet. I don't know about haiku but do agree with the way in which in a very short span the reader is taken through several changes.
Hey! Welcome to ES! and thanks for bringing a breath of freshness with you.
This is certainly outside the square of your typical haiku, and has three wonderful lines:
The first surprises one because of the subject matter
The second REALLY makes you sit up, with the "vomit" reference
Ans the third makes the whole thing ok again, and turns it into a love senryu.
Very clever, and very well done.
Just a thought...there are a lot of haiku fans here, but most people won't comment on them normally, as there's not enough in them to think of comments (this one is different)
Submission Name: Heimlich
