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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Scripted Deathdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: wallya20
    ASL Info:    18/m/Bahamas
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 113/68/26
    Words: 169
    Class/Type: Story/Death
    Total Views: 1617
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1049



    Description:
       Death as we know it.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsScripted Deathdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Hey mom, guess who died today.
    “I don’t know, tell me!”
    Daddy did
    “Oh alright, what do you want for dinner?”
    Anything

    I’m going in my room to cut myself a bit ok?
    “Fine, just make sure and give me the knife back when you’re done.”
    (Screams)This hurts a lot mom, did you have it sharpened?
    “Of course baby, you know I hate you.”
    I know

    Are we going to do commit suicide tonight like we planned?
    “Yeah, we will right after dinner”
    Let’s go now please I’m so depressed it will feel so good.
    “I know baby, I know”
    Come on

    You first mom, I want to see how much it hurts.
    “I’m piercing my wrist now; words can’t describe how horrible it feels”
    “Your turn my son”
    Alright, this doesn’t feel good at all. Dieing is so overrated.
    “Sure it is”

    “This is a well written script baby, some really good props to”
    It’s not a script, it’s my suicide note
    “BABY, BABYYYyyyy!!!!!!!”




    Submitted on 2005-09-13 15:47:39     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      hmmm this was intresting, it brought alot of thoughts I hadn't thought about for a while back....I've never seen my dad and my mom comes around every now and then to know that I'm alive pretty much, ummm honeslty I know my parents hate me, it's more actions then words so I related to that and for a second I vividly remembered how I used to think it was my fault. but if only my mom could pretend to understand my cutting or suicide attempts it would just be easier ,the ending was my favorite part, i wan't totally expecting it. dude I f.ucking love your writing you seem to be repressing something inside urself, not feeling like anyone is listening? I'm right there with ya .....meh I've told so many ppl this lately but if ya ever want someone to listen or complain to you know where I am:) and you had a good point, the vast majority of "normal" ppl who are blatently comfortably complacent choose to ignore feelings that differ from their own.....anyway good write:)
    peace
    | Posted on 2006-05-19 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]
      Interesting..The ending threw me a curve ball, I liked that surprise.This had a weird feel to it, I wish this was my life, Gosh if my parents understood that well everything would be gravy baby,lol. Only if parents would actually admit how much they truly do hate their children then once and for all, every lie will dissapear. But better things come with the future, or just hurt, I can't see that far in time with these tears blocking my eyes, but hope is always eternal, right? I really did enjoy this piece, seemed sureal to me, new style, loved it!

    Lucy^_^
    | Posted on 2006-05-17 00:00:00 | by rainbowXrazors | [ Reply to This ]
      Hi I like this piece. This is beautifully written and you seem to describe everything very well. As I told you before this is life being lonely, for me I don’t worry about this matter anymore. At least when I am lonely there is none who could hurt me. And I have my loneliness which I really can call my own.

    I really did enjoy reading this dark piece.
    Well done
    With love shabnam
    | Posted on 2005-09-19 00:00:00 | by shabnam | [ Reply to This ]
      This was very well written. I've never read anything written like that. It seems like you feel unheard, and that when you say something, that it goes unheard or that your words are taken for granted. Its really deep, very dark, but also very good. I love how you made the conversation between a mother and her son, because most times in families, parents think their children would never do anything wrong or don't belive that their children could ever be up to anything bad. I love the title of this piece! Its what made me want to read it. Most times people don't realize how imortant a title is for a piece of their work, but its what draws the people in. I also liked it because it gave me another perseption of death. I never thought about it like the way you put it. This is definately going on my favourites! Keep up the good work. I can't wait to read more of your stuff!
    | Posted on 2005-09-16 00:00:00 | by rent_a_fairy | [ Reply to This ]
      I love it! So neat. A very..different perspective on death. Didn't fully grasp the bit at the bottom about the script, though. I honestly can't say I feel that this piece comes from some "deep dark place inside you." Just an observational piece. Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong, though.
    | Posted on 2005-09-13 00:00:00 | by Orin | [ Reply to This ]
      Definitely an interesting piece. Deep and dark, like many of the things I read. But however close the subjects are in this poem and the others I've read, the formatting on this is nothing like I've ever read before. I think, like "sistersinister" said, this guy (you perhaps?) is being totally ignored and not being taken seriously. Maybe that's what you're saying; the world just chooses to ignore this and not take these things seriously. I know I take those things seriously; I have to. I don't know, I'm more than likely wrong, but that's what I got. I think, by reading this, that you have very firm and opinionated thoughts on life. This is beautifully titled, it's what drew me into reading it. Oh and I recommend using a form of spell-check, whether it be your computer or a friend. Well, the only word that's wrong is dying (you have dieing). Just a bit of friendly advice. Oh, and welcome to the site. ~SirensSong~
    | Posted on 2005-09-13 00:00:00 | by SirensSong | [ Reply to This ]
      Angry....seems like no one hears you, and they only pretend to care. I think my dear you have alot more to say but you buried it in as deep as you could, more content to tell the story, than the feelings behind it. I liked it, but i think you are capable of much much more. I think that you could really find a voice, but you have to want to. You have to decide that you will "cut" to the heart of your feelings next time. Good work, and I hope you will try ...:P
    | Posted on 2005-09-13 00:00:00 | by sistersinister | [ Reply to This ]


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